I had
long been drawn to Stoicism as a solution for so many of my problems, yet I
would still find myself falling short, when it came to applying all of that
wonderful theory to the grind of everyday practice. Even if I thought I
understood what it was that I had to do to be happy, I was clearly not living
up to the standard.
Where
was the problem? Were the principles themselves somehow terribly mistaken, or was
I somehow using them incorrectly?
I was
often told that if I only put my mind to it, I would be able to make what I eventually
came to call the Stoic Turn.
I would hopefully
begin to no longer consider myself ruled by my circumstances, but I would begin
to define myself by the content of my character.
I would hopefully
no longer look to the world to satisfy me, but I would learn to be satisfied
with myself, whatever may happen in the world.
I would hopefully
stop demanding, and I would start giving.
I would hopefully
measure my merit by what I did, not by what had been done to me.
I would hopefully
no longer be a victim, but a source of what was right and good, however small
and insignificant I was thought to be by others.
I would
hopefully not think of the world as a place of random and uncaring events, with
no one occurrence connected to another, but as all events created by Providence
to be opportunities.
I was
deeply disappointed when this did not suddenly happen overnight, and I was therefore
also deeply discouraged. Surely, I thought, if my thinking is right, will my
actions also not be immediately be right?
Maybe
this was just another one of those clever intellectual scams, a way to make me
follow a system that actually offered no actual results. I’d seen enough of
that before, from deeply subtle superstitions to complex pseudo-scientific
theories of human nature. Was I letting myself be duped again? Was someone
going to creep out of the corner and suddenly demands various dues or fees to
magically complete my training?
But see,
it isn’t just about being a member of a club, or about the power of my will; it
is about using my choice to make a genuine connection between my thinking and
my doing.
First,
my doing will only be as good as the certainty of my thinking, and there I can
find much work to be done. I may say I know, but I know far too incompletely. What
is hazy must become crystal clear.
Second,
my doing will only be as good as the strength of the habits I gradually build
up for myself, and there too I can find much work to be done. I may say I am
doing, but I have not yet done nearly enough. I must learn to be patient not
only with the world, but also with myself.
Third, I
will still be drawn away from the truth each and every day, if I do not
recommit myself each and every day. A promise made yesterday, or even a few
moments ago, is sadly often a promise only for yesterday, or for a few moments
ago. The only way keep myself from being diverted is to keep myself on track,
at all times and in every way.
I
learned the very same lesson from a variety of 12 Step Programs I have
encountered over the years, on both the giving and receiving ends.
Let me
say that I want to stop drinking, or using drugs, or gambling, or being
promiscuous, or living like a glutton, or buying things I don’t really need.
Wanting a change won’t be enough, since I must put my money where my mouth is.
The words are pointless if I can’t commit to the program.
Seneca
the Younger wrote very many texts on Stoic topics, far more of which have
survived to the current day, I suspect, than those of any other Classical Stoic
writer.
I have
listened to him tell me, over and over again, what it is that most matters in
this life. I am deeply grateful for that. He reminds me about what it means to
be human, about how my humanity fits in with the rest of the Universe, and why
I should bother to care about some things over other things.
Still, I
always felt I needed quite a bit of help on following through, on making the
concepts meaningful in my day-to-day living.
That is
where this short and humble text comes in, hardly one of the most impressive or
imposing pieces of his writings, though for me one of the most immediately
useful.
On Peace of Mind helps me to engage in the task,
instead of just being a pretender. It is full of practical advice on how to
live like a good man, not just spend my time posturing as a good man.
The
translation I use here is the classic version from Aubrey Stewart, with a few
of my own minor alterations to make it more presentable to the modern reader. I
offer my own thoughts on the text, not to tell the reader how to live, but to
encourage the reader to learn to live for himself.
Peace of
mind is not only in the abstraction, but is about the harmony of the mind with
our own deeds. It means making a connection between theory and practice.
Seneca’s
friend, Serenus, asks a most troubling question: why am I still struggling,
discouraged, dissatisfied, and confused, even when I have a grasp of what is
right and true? What is holding me back? I am still amazed and inspired by the
responses that Seneca gives him.
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