Wisdom from the Early Cynics, Diogenes 43

After seeing a stupid wrestler practicing as a doctor, Diogenes inquired of him, "What does this mean? Is it that you may now have your revenge on the rivals who formerly beat you?" 

Seeing the child of a courtesan throw stones at a crowd, he cried out, "Take care you don't hit your father." 

A boy having shown him a dagger that he had received from an admirer, Diogenes remarked, "A pretty blade with an ugly handle." 

When some people commended a person who had given him a gratuity, he broke in with "You have no praise for me who was worthy to receive it." 

When someone asked that he might have back his cloak, "If it was a gift," replied Diogenes, "I possess it; while, if it was a loan, I am using it." 

A supposititious son having told him that he had gold in the pocket of his dress, "True," said he, "and therefore you sleep with it under your pillow." 

—Diogenes Laërtius, 6.62 

IMAGE: Bernard Picart, Diogenes (1724) 

Wisdom from the Early Cynics, Diogenes 42

Diogenes was gathering figs, and was told by the keeper that not long before a man had hanged himself on that very fig tree. 

"Then," said he, "I will now purge it." 

Seeing an Olympian victor casting repeated glances at a courtesan, "See," he said, "yonder ram frenzied for battle, how he is held fast by the neck fascinated by a common minx." 

Handsome courtesans he would compare to a deadly honeyed potion. 

He was breakfasting in the marketplace, and the bystanders gathered round him with cries of "dog!"

"It is you who are dogs," cried he, "when you stand round and watch me at my breakfast." 

When two cowards hid away from him, he called out, "Don't be afraid, a hound is not fond of beetroot." 

—Diogenes Laërtius, 6.61 

IMAGE: John Charles Dollman, Table d'Hote at a Dogs' Home (1879) 

Wisdom from the Early Cynics, Diogenes 41

Diogenes was returning from Olympia, and when somebody inquired whether there was a great crowd, "Yes," he said, "a great crowd, but few who could be called men." 

Libertines he compared to fig trees growing upon a cliff: whose fruit is not enjoyed by any man, but is eaten by ravens and vultures. 

When Phryne set up a golden statue of Aphrodite in Delphi, Diogenes is said to have written upon it: "From the licentiousness of Greece." 

Alexander once came and stood opposite him and said, "I am Alexander the Great King." 

"And I," said he, "am Diogenes the Hound." 

Being asked what he had done to be called a hound, he said, "I fawn on those who give me anything, I yelp at those who refuse, and I set my teeth in rascals." 

—Diogenes Laërtius, 6.60 

IMAGE: Gustave Doré, Diogenes (c. 1860) 

Wisdom from the Early Cynics, Diogenes 40

When someone expressed astonishment at the votive offerings in Samothrace, Diogenes' comment was, "There would have been far more, if those who were not saved had set up offerings." 

But others attribute this remark to Diagoras of Melos. 

To a handsome youth, who was going out to dinner, he said, "You will come back a worse man." 

When he came back and said next day, "I went and am none the worse for it," Diogenes said, "Not Worse-man (Chiron), but Lax-man (Eurytion)." 

Diogenes was asking alms of a bad-tempered man, who said, "Yes, if you can persuade me." 

"If I could have persuaded you," said Diogenes, "I would have persuaded you to hang yourself." 

He was returning from Lacedaemon to Athens; and on someone asking, "Whither and whence?" he replied, "From the men's apartments to the women's." 

—Diogenes Laërtius, 6.59 

Wisdom from the Early Cynics, Diogenes 39

Being reproached for eating in the marketplace, "Well, it was in the marketplace," Diogenes said, "that I felt hungry." 

Some authors affirm that the following also belongs to him: that Plato saw him washing lettuces, came up to him and quietly said to him, "Had you paid court to Dionysius, you wouldn't now be washing lettuces," and that he with equal calmness made answer, "If you had washed lettuces, you wouldn't have paid court to Dionysius." 

When some one said, "Most people laugh at you," his reply was, "And so very likely do the asses at them; but as they don't care for the asses, so neither do I care for them." 

One day observing a youth studying philosophy, he said, "Well done, Philosophy, that you divert admirers of bodily charms to the real beauty of the soul." 

—Diogenes Laërtius, 6.58 

IMAGE: Alison Friend, Pizza Lover (2023) 

Wisdom from the Early Cynics, Diogenes 38

On coming to Myndus and finding the gates large, though the city itself was very small, Diogenes cried, "Men of Myndus, bar your gates, lest the city should run away!" 

Seeing a man who had been caught stealing purple, he said:

Fast gripped by purple death and forceful fate. 

When Craterus wanted him to come and visit him, "No," he replied, "I would rather live on a few grains of salt at Athens than enjoy sumptuous fare at Craterus's table." 

He went up to Anaximenes the rhetorician, who was fat, and said, "Let us beggars have something of your paunch; it will be a relief to you, and we shall get advantage." 

And when the same man was discoursing, Diogenes distracted his audience by producing some salt fish. This annoyed the lecturer, and Diogenes said, "An obol's worth of salt fish has broken up Anaximenes' lecture-class." 

—Diogenes Laërtius, 6.57 

Wisdom from the Early Cynics, Diogenes 37

Being asked if the wise eat cakes, "Yes," Diogenes said, "cakes of all kinds, just like other men." 

Being asked why people give to beggars but not to philosophers, he said, "Because they think they may one day be lame or blind, but never expect that they will turn to philosophy." 

He was begging of a miserly man who was slow to respond; so he said, "My friend, it's for food that I'm asking, not for funeral expenses." 

Being reproached one day for having falsified the currency, he said, "That was the time when I was such as you are now; but such as I am now, you will never be." 

To another who reproached him for the same offense he made a more scurrilous repartee. 

—Diogenes Laërtius, 6.56 

IMAGE: Carlo Dolci, Diogenes (c. 1650) 

Wisdom from the Early Cynics, Diogenes 36

When someone declared that life is an evil, Diogenes corrected him: "Not life itself, but living ill." 

When he was advised to go in pursuit of his runaway slave, he replied, "It would be absurd, if Manes can live without Diogenes, but Diogenes cannot get on without Manes." 

When breakfasting on olives amongst which a cake had been inserted, he flung it away and addressed it thus: 

Stranger, betake thee from the princes' path! 

And on another occasion thus:

He lashed an olive.

Being asked what kind of hound he was, he replied, "When hungry, a Maltese; when full, a Molossian—two breeds which most people praise, though for fear of fatigue they do not venture out hunting with them. 

"So neither can you live with me, because you are afraid of the discomforts."

—Diogenes Laërtius, 6.55  

IMAGE: D.E. Pugons, Dog Begging Diogenes (1902) 

Wisdom from the Early Cynics, Diogenes 35

Being asked what was the right time to marry, Diogenes replied, "For a young man not yet: for an old man never at all." 

Being asked what he would take to be soundly cuffed, he replied, "A helmet." 

Seeing a youth dressing with elaborate care, he said, "If it's for men, you're a fool; if for women, a knave." 

One day he detected a youth blushing. "Courage," said he, "that is the hue of virtue." 

One day after listening to a couple of lawyers disputing, he condemned them both, saying that the one had no doubt stolen, but the other had not lost anything. 

To the question what wine he found pleasant to drink, he replied, "That for which other people pay." 

When he was told that many people laughed at him, he made answer, "But I am not laughed down." 

—Diogenes Laërtius, 6.54 

IMAGE: Jacob Jordaens, Diogenes Searching for an Honest Man (c. 1642) 

Wisdom from the Early Cynics, Diogenes 34

Noticing a good-looking youth lying in an exposed position, Diogenes nudged him and cried, "Up, man, up, lest some foe thrust a dart into your back!" 

To one who was feasting lavishly he said: 

Short-liv'd thou'lt be, my son, by what thou buy'st."

As Plato was conversing about Ideas and using the nouns "tablehood" and "cuphood," Diogenes said, "Table and cup I see; but your tablehood and cuphood, Plato, I can nowise see." 

"That's readily accounted for," said Plato, "for you have the eyes to see the visible table and cup; but not the understanding by which ideal tablehood and cuphood are discerned." 

On being asked by somebody, "What sort of a man do you consider Diogenes to be?" 

"A Socrates gone mad," said Plato.

—Diogenes Laërtius, 6.53-54 

Wisdom from the Early Cynics, Diogenes 33

One day seeing a runaway slave sitting on the brink of a well, Diogenes said, "Take care, my lad, you don't fall in." 

Seeing a boy taking clothes at the baths, he asked, "Is it for a little unguent (ἀλειμμάτιον) or is it for a new cloak (ἄλλ' ἱμάτιον)?" 

Seeing some women hanged from an olive tree, he said, "Would that every tree bore similar fruit." 

On seeing a footpad he accosted him thus: 

"What mak'st thou here, my gallant? 
Com'st thou perchance for plunder of the dead?" 

Being asked whether he had any maid or boy to wait on him, he said "No." 

"If you should die, then, who will carry you out to burial?" 

"Whoever wants the house," he replied. 

—Diogenes Laërtius, 6.52 

Wisdom from the Early Cynics, Diogenes 32

Good men Diogenes called images of the gods, and love the business of the idle. 

To the question what is wretched in life he replied, "An old man destitute." 

Being asked what creature's bite is the worst, he said, "Of those that are wild, a sycophant's; of those that are tame, a flatterer's." 

Upon seeing two centaurs very badly painted, he asked, "Which of these is Chiron, the worse?" 

Ingratiating speech he compared to honey used to choke you. 

The stomach he called livelihood's Charybdis. 

Hearing a report that Didymon the flute-player had been caught in adultery, his comment was, "His name alone is sufficient to hang him." 

To the question why gold is pale, his reply was, "Because it has so many thieves plotting against it." 

On seeing a woman carried in a litter, he remarked that the cage was not in keeping with the quarry. 

—Diogenes Laërtius, 6.51 

Wisdom from the Early Cynics, Diogenes 31

On being asked by a tyrant what bronze is best for a statue, Diogenes replied, "That of which Harmodius and Aristogeiton were moulded." 

Asked how Dionysius treated his friends, "Like purses," he replied; "so long as they are full, he hangs them up, and, when they are empty, he throws them away." 

Some one lately wed had set up on his door the notice: 

The son of Zeus, victorious Heracles,
Dwells here; let nothing evil enter in. 

To which Diogenes added, "After war, alliance." 

The love of money he declared to be the mother-city of all evils. 

Seeing a spendthrift eating olives in a tavern, he said, "If you had breakfasted in this fashion, you would not so be dining." 

—Diogenes Laërtius, 6.50 

IMAGE: Harmodius and Aristogeiton 

Wisdom from the Early Cynics, Diogenes 30

When someone reproached Diogenes with his exile, his reply was, "Nay, it was through that, you miserable fellow, that I came to be a philosopher." 

Again, when someone reminded him that the people of Sinope had sentenced him to exile, "And I them," said he, "to home-staying." 

Once he saw an Olympic victor tending sheep and thus accosted him: "Too quickly, my good friend, have you left Olympia for Nemea." 

Being asked why athletes are so stupid, his answer was, "Because they are built up of pork and beef." 

He once begged alms of a statue, and, when asked why he did so, replied, "To get practice in being refused." 

In asking alms—as he did at first by reason of his poverty—he used this form: "If you have already given to anyone else, give to me also; if not, begin with me." 

—Diogenes Laërtius, 6.49 

IMAGE: Jean-Bernard Restout, Diogenes Asking for Alms (1767) 

Wisdom from the Early Cynics, Diogenes 29

The musician who was always deserted by his audience Diogenes greeted with a "Hail, rooster," and when asked why he so addressed him, replied, "Because your song makes everyone get up." 

A young man was delivering a set speech, when Diogenes, having filled the front fold of his dress with lupins, began to eat them, standing right opposite to him. Having thus drawn off the attention of the assemblage, he said he was greatly surprised that they should desert the orator to look at himself. 

A very superstitious person addressed him thus, "With one blow I will break your head." "And I," said Diogenes, "by a sneeze from the left will make you tremble." 

Hegesias having asked him to lend him one of his writings, he said, "You are a simpleton, Hegesias; you do not choose painted figs, but real ones; and yet you pass over the true training and would apply yourself to written rules." 

—Diogenes Laërtius, 6.48 

Wisdom from the Early Cynics, Diogenes 28

Rhetoricians and all who talked for reputation Diogenes used to call "thrice human," meaning thereby "thrice wretched." 

An ignorant rich man he used to call "the sheep with the golden fleece." 

Seeing a notice on the house of a profligate, "To be sold," he said, "I knew well that after such surfeiting you would throw up the owner." 

To a young man who complained of the number of people who annoyed him by their attentions he said, "Cease to hang out a sign of invitation." 

Of a public bath which was dirty he said, "When people have bathed here, where are they to go to get clean?" 

There was a stout musician whom everybody depreciated and Diogenes alone praised. When asked why, he said, "Because being so big, he yet sings to his lute and does not turn brigand." 

—Diogenes Laërtius, 6.47 

 

Wisdom from the Early Cynics, Diogenes 27

Being short of money, Diogenes told his friends that he applied to them not for alms, but for repayment of his due. 

When behaving indecently in the marketplace, he wished it were as easy to relieve hunger by rubbing an empty stomach. 

Seeing a youth starting off to dine with satraps, he dragged him off, took him to his friends and bade them keep strict watch over him. 

When a youth effeminately attired put a question to him, he declined to answer unless he pulled up his robe and showed whether he was man or woman. 

A youth was playing kottabos in the baths. Diogenes said to him, "The better you play, the worse it is for you." 

At a feast certain people kept throwing all the bones to him as they would have done to a dog. Thereupon he played a dog's trick and drenched them. 

—Diogenes Laërtius, 6.46 

Wisdom from the Early Cynics, Diogenes 26

Once Diogenes saw the officials of a temple leading away someone who had stolen a bowl belonging to the treasurers, and said, "The great thieves are leading away the little thief." 

Noticing a lad one day throwing stones at a gallows, "Well done," he said, "you will hit your mark." 

When some boys clustered round him and said, "Take care he doesn't bite us," he answered, "Never fear, boys, a dog does not eat beetroot." 

To one who was proud of wearing a lion's skin his words were, "Leave off dishonoring the habiliments of courage." 

When someone was extolling the good fortune of Callisthenes and saying what splendor he shared in the suite of Alexander, "Not so," said Diogenes, "but rather ill fortune; for he breakfasts and dines when Alexander thinks fit." 

—Diogenes Laërtius, 6.45 

Wisdom from the Early Cynics, Diogenes 25

Alexander having on one occasion sent a letter to Antipater at Athens by a certain Athlios, Diogenes, who was present, said: 

"Graceless son of graceless sire to graceless wight by graceless squire."  

Perdiccas having threatened to put Diogenes to death unless he came to him, "That's nothing wonderful," said he, "for a beetle or a tarantula would do the same." 

Instead of that he would have expected the threat to be that Perdiccas would be quite happy to do without his company. 

He would often insist loudly that the gods had given to men the means of living easily, but this had been put out of sight, because we require honeyed cakes, unguents and the like. 

Hence to a man whose shoes were being put on by his servant, he said, "You have not attained to full felicity, unless he wipes your nose as well; and that will come, when you have lost the use of your hands." 

—Diogenes Laërtius, 6.44 

Wisdom from the Early Cynics, Diogenes 24

At Olympia, when the herald proclaimed Dioxippus to be victor over the men, Diogenes protested, "Nay, he is victorious over slaves, I over men." 

Still, he was loved by the Athenians. At all events, when a youngster broke up his tub, they gave the boy a flogging and presented Diogenes with another. 

Dionysius the Stoic says that after the Battle of Chaeronea, he was seized and dragged off to Philip, and being asked who he was, replied, "A spy upon your insatiable greed." 

For this he was admired and set free. 

—Diogenes Laërtius, 6.43 

IMAGE: Max Pirner, Diogenes (1893)