Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 12.34

This reflection is most adapted to move us to contempt of death, that even those who think pleasure to be a good and pain an evil still have despised it.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 12.34 (tr Long)

I once liked bickering about ideologies, because the thought of being right made me feel more important. What I completely misunderstood was all about what it even meant to be right.

Being right isn’t about holding the supposedly correct view, while ridiculing and condemning anyone who holds the supposedly incorrect view. Being right is about making myself better, and never about making anyone else worse. Once my own right is at the expense of another, it immediately ceases to be right.

In philosophy, religion, or politics, we love to hate the “other”. You surely see the problem. There is no real love where there is any presence of hate.

Let me fix my own problems, and exorcise my own demons. Then, and only then, let me help others fix their own problems, and exorcise their own demons, on their terms, and not just on mine. Helping is the key, not forcing.

Have you ever come across a stubborn mule? That is how you treat the man you now so proudly call your enemy. He will not change one bit, unless you treat him with the respect he deserves.

“But he’s just a mule!”

No, he is a man like you. Treat him as you would like to be treated. Anything less, and suddenly you are now the animal, not him.

In Rome, the two major conflicting philosophies were Stoicism on the one hand, and Epicureanism on the other. The former preached about providence and virtue, and the latter preached about randomness and pleasure.

Yet, in an odd sort of way, they both ended up teaching that a good man would have to be wise, brave, moderate, and just. They simply came at it from very different angles.

That difference of principles is deeply important, even as the shared sense of human decency is more important. The Stoic is not unfeeling, and the Epicurean is not gluttonous. Work with that to begin with, and find the common ground. The conflicts can only be resolved through what is universal.

Virtue or pleasure? Yes. Both. The priority is what we are fussing about.

Here is something shared: neither the Stoic nor the Epicurean has any fear or worries about death. They both understand that life will end. They both understand that life should be lived well. They both understand that how we live matters far more than how long we live, or when we die.

Marcus Aurelius reminds us that we can find at least one thing that binds us together. Begin with that, and a sense of solidarity can then perhaps follow.

“You filthy Epicurean! I’ll kill you now!” You stopped being a Stoic when you said that. He fears death no more than you. 

Written in 10/2009