. . . I will add some reproaches
afterwards, and will bring more accusations against myself than you can think
of.
For the present, I will make you the
following answer: "I am not a wise man, and I will not be one in order to
feed your spite, so do not require me to be on a level with the best of men,
but merely to be better than the worst. I am satisfied, if every day I take
away something from my vices and correct my faults.
“I have not arrived at perfect
soundness of mind, indeed, I never shall arrive at it. I compound palliatives
rather than remedies for my gout, and I am satisfied if it comes at rarer
intervals, and does not shoot so painfully.
“Compared with your feet, which are
lame, I am a racer."
I make this speech, not on my own behalf,
for I am steeped in vices of every kind, but on behalf of one who has made some
progress in virtue.
—Seneca
the Younger, On the happy life,
Chapter 17 (tr Stewart)
A common
characteristic of an arrogant man is his belief that he can really do no wrong.
You may find him telling you that he might have been in error, but listen to
his words closely. His flaw is hardly ever a flaw, because he says he acted
with too much honesty, or kindness, or understanding, and in criticizing
himself, he is actually praising himself for just being too good. Since he
doesn’t really make mistakes, he then assumes other people must think in
exactly the same way.
Seneca
isn’t claiming to be without weaknesses, because he knows that every man is
subject to failure. A good life is hardly a perfect state, but a constant
process of learning, of growth, of improvement. It is never about being the
best, but always about striving to be better. Each of us, as they say, will
inevitably fall down, but the success is in getting up, dusting ourselves off,
and trying again. The doing and the living is itself the goal.
We never
really cure ourselves of making mistakes, because that would mean no longer
being creatures moved by our own thinking and choices, though with effort we
become better at managing our weaknesses. Sometimes the progress seems so slow,
and sometimes we seem to slide backwards, but even the slightest effort, and the
smallest improvement, is an essential part of the practice of living well.
A worse
man is content to think he is already good, while a better man always struggles
to raise himself higher. Remember that Socrates learned that he was wise
because he could admit he was ignorant, just as any man who aspires to virtue
recognizes all of his vices.
I
sometimes feel that I carry with me the burden of far too many terrible choices,
many that make me squirm in shame, some that seem downright irredeemable. There
are weak times when I wish I could erase them, though a dose of Stoic common
sense can usually sets me straight.
It is
not only that they did happen, but also that every one of them played a
necessary part in becoming who I now am, and in what good I have within me.
Each was an opportunity to become better. That does not justify an error, but
it allows me to transform an error into something good. While I cannot go back
and remove a mistake, I can always continue making right out of something
wrong.
Written in 3/2002
Written in 3/2002
Image: Double Herm of Seneca and Socrates (3rd cent. AD)
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