Seneca, On the Happy Life 53: The Difficulties of Giving

He who believes giving to be an easy matter, is mistaken. It offers very great difficulties, if we bestow our bounty rationally, and do not scatter it impulsively and at random.

I do this man a service, and I need a good turn done me by that one. I help this other, because I pity him. This man, again, I teach that he is not a fit object for poverty to hold down or degrade.

I shall not give some men anything, although they are in want, because, even if I do give to them they will still be in want. I shall proffer my bounty to some, and shall forcibly thrust it upon others. I also cannot be neglecting my own interests while I am doing this.

At no time do I make more people in my debt than when I am giving things away. "What?" say you, "do you give that you may receive again?" At any rate I do not give that I may throw my bounty away. What I give should be so placed that although I cannot ask for its return, yet it can be given back to me. . . .

—Seneca the Younger, On the happy life, Chapter 24 (tr Stewart)

Back when I was still in Boston, working in social services, one of the priests who ran the agency was affectionately known for always being late in the morning. This wasn’t because he was lazy, but because he was still one of those priests who proudly wore his clerical collar, and this meant that he would be constantly approached by the needy and homeless in the streets for assistance. He took this duty seriously, and we would often not see him until the afternoon.

His method of offering help was, however, not what one might expect. If he was asked for money to get food or clothes, he would never give money, but offered to buy someone a meal, or provide him with new shoes and a coat.

This was his way of estimating character. He knew that those who became angry with him had other intentions in mind, but he would always encourage those who were willing, and even those who appeared hesitant. He would often take someone to breakfast, get to know him, and then suggest different options for finding shelter, meals, medical assistance, and work. Many of these people became our clients, and many became our friends.

The priest gave in charity, because he gave all of himself, even as the lawyers and bankers at the train stations looked the other way. He also realized that giving to others must be reasonable and responsible, always keeping in mind not just the act of giving, but how the gift would assist someone to be a better human being.

Sometimes, the people he met would be a bit dumbstruck, and awkwardly express that they would always be in his debt. Again, his words were perhaps unusual.

“Yes,” he would say, “You are in my debt. But you don’t need to give me anything. I hope that one day, however, when you have more, you choose to give to someone else, or maybe even to me, if you see me where you were just now.”

I think he understood he had an interest in how his generosity was used, just as Seneca did, and I know he was scolded for being selfish, just as Seneca was. “See! It turns out you just want to get something in return!”

Of course I have an interest, but it is not the interest of the greedy man. I should not wish to be wasteful, but to see benefit from what has been shared. For me, that benefit should be the knowledge that I have helped another to practice virtue, that I would like to see him share for himself, and that I would be glad if he also shared with me. I hope another man will act well toward me, as I acted well toward him, but I can hardly ever force him to do so. Love is a choice.

A bad man expects repayment, but a good man is only grateful to receive it. A bad man expects a return for his own profit, but a good man is happy to see the return in the profit of another. A gift is only a gift when it is freely offered, and never when it is demanded.

Seneca’s adversary earlier accused him of wanting to be rich, and now accuses him of wanting to be compensated. The response to the former also applies to the latter. I should never desire or expect to be wealthy, though I may prefer it. I should never desire or expect to be repaid, though I may prefer it. Self-interest can simply be for the self to do what is good, while selfishness is only to do what is good for the self. 

Written in 5/2004

Image: William-Adolphe Bouguereau, Charity (c. 1878)