Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 7.37

It is a base thing for the countenance to be obedient and to regulate and compose itself as the mind commands, and for the mind not to be regulated and composed by itself.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 7 (tr Long)

It will be of little use to me if I can control my bearing, my expressions, or my passions, if my very thinking has no right measure by which to exercise that control. A nice smile on a pretty face means nothing without charity behind it, and a clever power of words is empty without wisdom to guide it. What is a mastery of manners if it lacks a conscience?

An analogy I have sometimes found helpful is that an obedient and well-drilled army is worthless without a good general at its head.

When we were all younger, we surely heard people say, “Control yourself!” That is certainly good advice, especially in a day and age where children have few limits, and so will then continue acting out as adults. But it is not enough to simply control how I appear. I must also learn to use sound judgment, the power of determining the true from the false, and posses a moral compass, the power of pointing to good instead of evil. Control over the outside of me will only matter if I also have control over the inside of me.

Consider that a man can appear as a perfect gentleman, while being a complete scoundrel in his heart and mind.

The most charming and committed person I have ever known was also the most thoughtless and uncaring person I have ever known. I have crossed paths with people who wear the finest clothes and say all the right things, but who are really liars, thieves, and users. Wolves in sheep’s clothing, indeed. A pleasant demeanor can cover up a rotten soul, but only for so long. We wonder why we were fooled so easily, but it was just because we were looking at the wrong part of a person.

I have long struggled with the practice of self-discipline, and I suspect that a part of my problem is attending to externals at the neglect of internals. I have been worried about the consequences, without paying attention to the cause. I have tried to regulate what I am doing, without having a good reason for why I might be doing it. I have vainly concerned myself with how I am perceived, instead of what is actually going on in my own thinking.

I have attempted to subject myself to a rule, without knowing the nature of the rule, to be mastered without being the master.

I can indeed build up the habit of disciplining my conduct, but this will be a wasted effort without the habit of disciplining my character. 

Written in 12/2007