About
pain: The pain that is intolerable carries us off, but that which lasts a long
time is tolerable.
And
the mind maintains its own tranquility by retiring into itself, and the ruling
faculty is not made worse.
But
the parts that are harmed by pain, let them, if they can, give their opinion
about it.
—Marcus
Aurelius, Meditations, Book 7 (tr
Long)
My own most urgent reason for
starting to follow Stoicism was facing the problem of pain. Whether it was
physical or emotional, dull and throbbing or sharp and stabbing, I found that
it was never quite enough for me just to tough it out. I could put on a strong
appearance, but pain would still seem to eat me up inside. There were many
times I was sure I could no longer stand it.
Now some people advised me to bear
with it, or to ignore it, or to take it as a punishment, or to offer it up, or
to view it as a test. I wouldn’t wish to deny them their successes, but none of
this was ever enough for me at that time. My problem, I think, was that I was
still defining myself only by such
suffering, instead of recognizing that I could move through and beyond
suffering, that I was more than only what I felt. I was also what I thought,
and my thinking could find meaning and purpose in any circumstance.
My body may hurt, or my feelings may
hurt, but my mind only hurts when I allow my own judgments to be hurtful. It
sounds so terribly simple, but as soon as I am aware that pain does not need to
have any direct power over my mind and choice, over my ability to understand and
to love, then I no longer need to let it affect me as it once did. It may hack
away at the outside, but the inside can remain intact.
Of whatever kind or degree,
suffering will either destroy my body, in which case I am relieved and free of
it, or it will remain bearable, in which case I can still be relieved and free
of it. If it’s too much, Nature will let me go. If it’s still not too much,
Nature gives me what I need to keep going. It need never be a burden, but it
becomes an opportunity, and my thinking alone will make it so.
I can let my body cry out, and I can
let my feelings express their frustration; I should never assume that pain will
simply disappear, or that I can pretend it isn’t real. It is real, and there is
a reason Nature provides it, so that I may listen to it. I can indeed let all
the other parts of me tell how they feel, but then I am called to understand,
not merely to submit.
Yes, it hurts. Now I can use it to
make myself better, by relying on what is truly my own. That is peace of mind.
Written in 11/2007
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