No
joining others in their wailing, no violent emotion.
—Marcus
Aurelius, Meditations, Book 7 (tr
Long)
The term “stoic” or “stoical” in
common usage indicates someone who can endure hardship, will not complain, or
does not express emotion. Accordingly, it can also easily take on the negative
meaning of a person who is unfeeling, uncaring, or coldly rational.
This is unfortunate, and falsely
assumes that a life lived with calm, contentment, and self-control must surely
also be completely emotionless. The problem is that because the Stoic does not
act with great extremes of frantic feeling, it is concluded that he must have
no feelings at all.
Now I know some people who live
their lives in ways that are very Stoic, directly or indirectly, and who also
happen to come across as very mild, restrained, or reserved. At the same time,
I know just as many people who embrace Stoic-like values who also happen to
come across as quite expressive, outgoing, and passionate. Of course the Stoic
has feelings, just because he is human, and the sense of commitment he lives
with, whatever his personality may be, does not proceed from repressing or
denying these feelings. In fact, I would say that he actually embraces them
fully, and he is able to do so because he can understand, and therefore be the
master of, his passions.
A better grasp of who the Stoic
really is would be, I suggest, not that he lacks emotion, but that he seeks to
have ordered and balanced emotions. He works to let sound judgment about what
is right and good guide his choices and actions, and so he is not swept this
way and that by his desires and aversions. That’s hardly repression; it’s
called character.
Having passions isn’t a problem, but
not being able to rule them certainly is. Of course I feel pleasure and pain,
affection and anger, excitement and weariness, while also recognizing that I
have lost my way if I allow them to overwhelm me. Turbulent, hectic, and
erratic passions are the problem.
My own experience has taught me that
building good habits in guiding my feelings actually makes it possible for me
to feel with greater meaning and depth. My attempts at living in a Stoic
manner, however incomplete they may be, have allowed me to become a far more
caring and compassionate person. I sadly suspect the man who calls himself
Stoic, but acts without the deepest sympathy, is embracing the word, but not
the task.
Whenever I allow myself to succumb
to whining and complaining, for example, I know this follows only from my
resentment, and I further know that my resentment follows from permitting my
estimation to be swamped by the force of my feelings.
Temperance is a sadly neglected
virtue, but still as necessary as it ever was.
Written in 12/2007