—Marcus
Aurelius, Meditations, Book 6 (tr
Long)
My thinking and my willing do not
change the inherent nature of what is real around me. That is the error of the
subjectivist and the solipsist. But my thinking and willing do change how I understand
the value of what is around me, and they allow me to actively improve myself,
by learning how to make right and proper use of what is around me.
There might, as they say in the old
Westerns, be gold in them there hills. It will be there, whether I choose to
dig it from the ground or not. A fool ignores the benefit right before him,
while the wise man mines every circumstance and every opportunity that come his way. He changes himself by changing how he views his world. He may not become
rich by lining his wallet, but he may well become rich by nurturing his very
soul. He will decide to become a better man, whatever may happen to present itself.
Some people will try to extract
fortune, fame, and pleasure from their conditions. They have decided upon this,
because their actions reflect their own estimation of good and evil. Other
people will try to extract integrity, character, and compassion from their
conditions, because their actions likewise reflect their own estimation of good
and evil.
Can’t a man have both? Perhaps, but
he can’t serve both equally. One bows to the other. What is indifferent defers
to what is necessary.
What will I choose to care about
first and foremost? That will be who I am, and it will be all that matters. It
will become what I will, not by my having made it as it is, but by my having
discovered within it whatever I seek to find.
“I’m going to get what I want!”
Good. Now what do I want? Is that truly worthwhile? Am I content to be
important, but yet a scoundrel? Or might I be happy to be no one of importance
at all, even as I am charged with justice?
I tell myself every day, sometimes
every hour: I need to take my pick, and be happy with the consequences.
I appreciate how Marcus Aurelius
reminds me that my mind must rouse itself and turn itself. I know the path to
take when I see that a life ordered by what is external is a life of allowing
myself to be ruled. I become sleepy, and I am being turned. A life ordered by what
is internal, however, is a life of ruling myself. I am awake, and I am the one who
does the turning.
Written in 9/2006
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