Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 5.15

None of these things ought to be called a man's, that do not belong to a man, as man. They are not required of a man, nor does man's nature promise them, nor are they the means of man's nature attaining his end.

Neither then does the end of man lie in these things, nor yet that which aids to the accomplishment of this end, and that which aids towards this end is that which is good.

Besides, if any of these things did belong to man, it would not be right for a man to despise them and to set himself against them.

Nor would a man be worthy of praise, who showed that he did not want these things, nor would he who stinted himself in any of them be good, if indeed these things were good.

But now the more of these things a man deprives himself of, or of other things like them, or even when he is deprived of any of them, the more patiently he endures the loss, just in the same degree he is a better man.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 5 (tr Long)

Ask anyone what he considers to be rightly his own, and he will almost always list his property, his worldly achievements, or his family.

Yet, from a Stoic perspective, he owns none of these things. They may well be things in his life, but they are not the things that make his life. They are not his at all. Consider them as something lent to him, not as something deeded. When Fortune gives gifts, we really only borrow them, and none of us can claim any rights to them at all.

“But it’s my house!”

No, it’s the house you happen to reside in right now, and just as you think you won it by paying a price to others, others can just as well take it back from you on their own terms.

“But she’s my wife!”

All legal questions aside, is she your friend? I would hope she would be, but whether or not she loves you is entirely up to her. You should rightly always love her, but that never makes her yours.

“But I earned it!”

You earned nothing. You were given things, like money, titles, and respect, because others thought it would serve their interest to tickle your own interest. Watch what happens the very moment you are no longer of any use to your superiors. Your money, titles, and respect will disappear in an instant.

Such realizations will only be discouraging to those people who define themselves through everything outside of themselves. They are, however, deeply encouraging to those people who define themselves by who they are, and not by what others make of them.

The things I call my possessions are not mine. My status among others is not mine. The people I call my friends are not mine. I only own myself.

And what does that involve? It means very little from one perspective, and quite a bit from another. The breadth of my power, property, or influence never belonged to me.

Even my pleasures and pains never really belonged to me, because others may decide to give or withhold them. Even my own body never really belonged to me, because others may use force to restrain it. Even the length of my life itself never really belonged to me, because others may choose to snuff it out in an instant.

If for a moment you think that isn’t true, read the daily news, and you will see immediately how none of these things are certain for any of us. Only entitled people think of them as guaranteed. They think they have paid for their rights, but they have only paid for their illusions.

Only one thing is guaranteed. For whatever time I have, under whatever circumstances are given, however great or small, I have the choice to think and act as I decide. No one else determines that. I used to think that this narrowed the scope of my being, but I now understand that it gives me everything that I need.  It is my finite participation in what is infinite.

Deprive me of the things you think I need, and I may well squirm, and I may well complain. I can, however, endure the loss, since you have not touched me at all. I am only the sum of my own actions, the things within my own power. You have made yourself worse, and given me a chance to be better.

“It’s mine” takes on a whole new meaning when you’ve made the Stoic Turn.

Written in 6/2006

IMAGE: This could well be you or me tomorrow. Does this bother and offend you? Good. It bothers and offends me as well. It reminds me to do good today.