Do
not act as if you were going to live ten thousand years. Death hangs over you.
While
you live, while it is in your power, be good.
—Marcus
Aurelius, Meditations, Book 4 (tr
Long)
When we
repeatedly hear the Stoic reminders of our mortality, we might begin to resent
them, or consider them too abstractly, or grow numb to their daily meaning.
I have
been told, for example, that Marcus Aurelius seems quite a morbid fellow,
because he always seems to be discussing death. I have never taken this as
morbidity at all, but actually as the opposite, an insistence on not wasting
the beauty of life, and on making the most of every opportunity.
I try
not to approach this question from the top down, but from the bottom up. I
don’t just consider the idea of death and dying, but how that reality relates
to my daily choices and actions. It isn’t just a matter of knowing that I will
die one day, or even that today could be that day. It concerns how I will use
that knowledge to make myself better right here, and live my life to the
fullest.
When I
am immediately aware that I have only the guarantee of this very immediate
moment of now, I should not panic, but I should commit. What should I care
about most in life? However I answer that question, that is what I should be
doing now, first and foremost, whatever else may be going on around me.
If I
know I should seek the truth, why am I telling myself to look the other way now,
but to figure it out later?
If I
know I should be brave, why am I telling myself to run away now, but to find
the strength later?
If I
know I should practice self-control, why am I telling myself I will live in
excess now, but to find moderation later?
If I
know I should be fair, why am I telling myself to neglect my neighbor’s needs
now, but to find a solution later?
I may
not literally think that I will live for ten thousand years, but I might as
well be thinking it. When I cannot face the needs of right now, I might as well
be putting them off forever. When I cannot show love and concern for someone
else right now, I might as well be putting it off forever. When I cannot
ultimately face the fact that I will not have infinite opportunities of
circumstance to make my life right, I have already gotten it wrong.
I try to
think of it not as fearing the concept of death, but as valuing the activity of
life. Death should never be feared, because it is not an evil. But life should
always be cherished, because however much of it is given to me is all that I will
have within my power.
Written in 9/2005
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