Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 4.14

Do you have reason?

I have.

Why then do you not use it? For if this does its own work, what else do you wish?

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 4 (tr Long)

If I am willing to claim that something is complete and sufficient for my happiness, then I should also be willing to be content with that, and only with that, and demand nothing in addition to that.

I see all sorts of conditional Stoicism around me, just as I see many other systems of meaning and value compromised by people trying to force other things into them that are hardly necessary for that model, or even downright contradictory to that model.

I also recognize that I am best served in focusing my attention on my own failings, because I will certainly not improve myself by dwelling on how often others get it wrong, when my only calling is just for me to get it right. It will be useless to worry about helping others when I can’t even help myself.

That is the dilemma I face most every day, and I imagine it is the dilemma any struggling Christian, or Hindu, or Buddhist, or any other person trying to become wiser and better, also faces. I tell myself, with all apparent conviction and sincerity, that this is all I need. Then I immediately turn around and pursue something else, or I crave for something that leads me in a completely different direction.

I know for myself that I do this not out of a weakness of intention, but a weakness of totally applied awareness. I tell myself that I know, but I don’t really know at all, like when I told my parents I knew I had to do things a certain way, but I didn’t really grasp all that this entailed. I rise up for the word, or for the grand ideal, but I stumble when faced with the task.

If I look at myself honestly, this is because I am not bringing the theory into practice. I love the concept, yet I neglect the living. I vaguely know it in abstraction, but I am not applying it to daily exercise. It would be as if I admire all the achievement in running a marathon, but never bother to actually train for it.

I will recognize the degree of my commitment to what I say is true by what I am willing to give for the sake of what is true.

Something I always loved about Ancient and Medieval philosophy was the concurrence of ideas and actions. Socrates told me that he would not let me go until I put my money where my mouth was, and St. Augustine reminded me that all the fancy knowledge there ever was would be useless if I lost my soul. That is usually where I have to begin when I wake up.

The Stoic understands that his own human nature is only perfected when he rules himself rightly, and all he ever needs to do this is the light of his own reason. Anything can happen to him, and he can still be his own master. I am only failing to do this when I still believe that more money, power, or influence will somehow add to this one purpose. Not only will that not help me, of course, but it will also encourage me to love all the wrong things.

Adding completely different things, all sorts of accessories and options, will just get in the way. It isn’t about possessing more in quantity, but doing better with what I already have in quality. When I stumble and fall, I pick myself up, and try again to take what’s in my head and place it in my hands. 

Written in 8/2005