Seneca on the Friendship of Kindred Minds 4

. . . This is the blessed lot of the completely wise man, and also, to a certain extent, of him who is progressing and has made some headway. 

Now what is the difference between these two classes of men?  The one is in motion, to be sure, but does not change its position; it merely tosses up and down where it is; the other is not in motion at all. 

Farewell.

—Seneca the Younger, Moral Letters to Lucilius 35, tr Gummere

To be constant in character, and therefore also in friendship, is not to be unchanging in time or place, nor is it just being inactive. It is rather to be unmoving in commitment to a life that builds itself entirely according to Nature. The mind and the will are always aimed at that same goal, and they do not allow themselves to be tossed and turned by circumstance, or distracted by fleeting passions or petty diversions.

The Stoic peace and calm, which some falsely confuse with being emotionless, follows from this fairly simple dedication. Such tranquility understands that everything needed to be a good man, and to be a friend, and therefore to be happy, is already there within us.

Now the truly wise man has, through right estimation and good habit, made himself not physically immovable, but mentally and emotionally immovable. He will be quite content with whatever life throws at him, because he has learned to be content with himself and to be his own master.

Those of us who are still learning and struggling will recognize and center upon the right state of life, but we will still find ourselves buckled by our conditions. This is not ground for despair, but for hope. I have my eye firmly on the target, and now I must simply steady my hands to follow through.

I think of the fond memories, and also the many bumps and bruises, when I learned to ride a bicycle. At first I couldn’t even balance myself at all. Then, as I was learning, I wobbled around in comic fashion, always gripping the handlebars tightly as I muddled my way forward. Then, one day, it all came together. I could maintain that balance with no conscious effort, and I could stay the course with confidence. At that young age it seemed like the most joyous freedom. And so, in a sense, it is with Stoic practice.

I certainly still stumble, and sometimes fall, but I remain immovable in knowing who I must be, and what sort of friends I must seek out. I have learned to recognize that I have always chosen and lived poorly when I seek the companionship of the sort of people who are morally never in one place, and I have always chosen and lived well when I commit to friends who know who are they are and where they are at.

The friends we choose, and the reasons why we choose them, will be a direct reflection of our own inner values, for good or for ill.

He that walks with wise men shall be wise, but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.

—Proverbs 13:20

Written in 9/1999