Then you are about to take something in
hand, remind yourself what manner of thing it is. If you are going to bathe put
before your mind what happens in the bath—water pouring over some, others being
jostled, some reviling, others stealing; and you will set to work more securely
if you say to yourself at once: ‘I want to bathe, and I want to keep my will in
harmony with Nature,’ and so in each thing you do; for in this way, if anything
turns up to hinder you in your bathing, you will be ready to say, ‘ I did not
want only to bathe, but to keep my will in harmony with Nature, and I shall not
so keep it, if I lose my temper at what happens’.
—Epictetus,
The Handbook, Chapter 4 (tr Matheson)
Just as
I must distinguish between reality and appearance, something as it is in itself
and something as it is to me, I must also keep my mind steady in the purpose of
action, and not allow myself to be dragged off by distractions and diversions.
I had a
teaching gig that actually came with a nice office, though this soon became my
albatross. It was situated right by an open area where students would
congregate between classes or during free periods, and even if I closed my
door, I couldn’t ignore all their conversations.
What
bothered me wasn’t that most of the talk was ignorant, shallow, or profane; I
can be quite ignorant, shallow, and profane myself. What burdened me was the malicious
way many of them spoke about how they hated the school, they hated their
teachers, and they just plain hated learning.
Now most
teachers in the humanities already know that it is a thankless job. The poor
pay and administrative bungling alone is enough to drive one to tears. But I
was deeply discouraged because I kept hearing the same complaints, and over
time it tunneled into my own thinking and mood. Why was I doing any of this, if
it wasn’t having any real effect, and if it wasn’t even wanted?
I could
just as easily complain that the subway is too crowded, or that my lunch was
served cold, or that my colleague looked at me the wrong way. I was complaining
about their complaining, and I was clearly leaving my Stoic survival kit at
home.
I need
only know only one thing here to set me back on track. To live well and to live
happily is to think, choose, and act according to Nature. It is good for me to
give of myself to encourage wisdom in others. Whether or not I am liked,
appreciated, or even listened too is a distraction from that harmonious goal.
My frustration was not caused by the behavior of others, because that is hardly
within my power, but rather by my own estimation, which is entirely within my
power.
The
events outside my door weren’t making me miserable, but I was certainly making
myself miserable.
Because
we are all creatures of mind, of choice, and of action, it is good and natural
for all of us to pursue wisdom and virtue. Where my office might be, or whether
I even have an office, or whether anyone even wants to pay me to teach, is all
about circumstances that have nothing to do with the goal.
Instead
of whining about all the rude people driving on the highway, I can calmly get
to my destination, and simply learn to be a courteous driver myself. I control
my temper, not the people who I think are pushing my buttons.
So too,
I should worry far less about what others do, than what I can do, and far less
about whether I am appreciated or loved.
I note
with an impish grin how even many of the words I just used in the example above
are not statements of what was the case, but how I felt about what was the case
at the time: ‘nice’, ‘albatross’, ‘malicious’, thankless’, ‘tears’,
‘discouraged’. All of those judgments were on me, and not on others.
I
shouldn’t need to do something well out of a forced defiance, but simply out of
the joy of doing well, and I can choose to do that as long as I work with
Nature and not against it. That is freedom and contentment.
Written in 5/2008
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