Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 12.18

In everything always observe what the thing is which produces for you an appearance, and resolve it by dividing it into the formal, the material, the purpose, and the time within which it must end.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 12.18 (tr Long)

There is the way something at first looks to me, the way something smells and tastes to me, the way something feels to me, and then behind all of that is the way it is, in and of itself. The difference between the appearance and the reality can be quite great, even as the former is produced from my estimation out of the latter.

At many times, I have assumed that I can’t get beyond the way my own passions affect my perceptions. This is a statement of despair, an act of surrender to my lesser side, because in addition to my desires and inclinations, I am also gifted with my greater side, my reason. As frustrating as it may seem, it is a matter of discernment, of separating, slowly but surely, what is presented to me from what I am adding out of my preferences.

She was so seductive, though the seduction was in my own desire, not in her. If I had considered more closely, I would have understood how the outside image revealed an inner sickness.

He was so charming, though the charm was in my own thinking, not in him. If I had considered more closely, I would have understood how the outside presentation revealed an inner vice.

It was so tempting, though the temptation was in my own hopelessness, not in the circumstance. If I had considered more closely, I would have understood how the outside allure revealed an inner emptiness.

That same pattern will play itself out, again and again, until I look behind the mask.

What is it? Be warned, it is not always how it first come across.

What is it made of? Looking at the humble parts often discloses the illusion of the appealing whole.

Why is it here? What end does it serve? What I may want from it is not the same as what it is made for.

How long is it meant to be? It speaks to me as timeless and complete, though it is passing and broken.

As long as I am only feeling instead of also judging, I will remain forever an intellectual and moral infant. 

Written in 9/2009