Chapter
12
The
next point to these will be to take care that we do not labor for what is vain,
or labor in vain: that is to say, neither to desire what we are not able to
obtain, nor yet, having obtained our desire too late, and after much toil, to
discover the folly of our wishes.
In
other words, that our labor may not be without result, and that the result may
not be unworthy of our labor: for as a rule sadness arises from one of these
two things, either from want of success or from being ashamed of having
succeeded.
If I look
at all my efforts over the years, I’m afraid I have to cringe at my many
failures. In almost every case, I did not fail because I was lazy, but because
I pursued the wrong goals. Either I desired things that were impossible to
acquire, or I fell into a deep disappointment when I found that they were not
at all what they were cracked up to be.
I could claim
that I had been tricked, but I had really only deceived myself. The very act of
pointing fingers at others became just another misguided passion, somehow
thinking that running after resentment would satisfy me.
Allowing
impressions to lead me by the nose, I surrendered my judgments. My work was
hardly productive, focused on objects that were beyond my mastery, or on objects
that yielded no worthy benefits.
How much
time and effort did I spend on trying to win the affections of another person? The
ultimate lesson I had to learn, of course, was that I held no immediate power
over how other people thought and felt, and yet for far too long I plodded away
at “making” people love me. I did have control over what I did, and whether I chose
to love, but not over what they did, and whether they chose to love.
Instead,
I can completely commit myself to changing my own mind and heart on my own terms,
and then let others make their decisions on their own terms.
How much
time and effort did I spend on trying to acquire possessions? I never thought I
could realistically get a hold of immense wealth, knowing that this came to
only the very few, and even then only with the cooperation of Fortune. Yet I
still clamored after less grand things, imagining that this trinket or that
luxury might bring me greater happiness. How foolish I felt when they did no
such thing.
Instead,
I can completely commit myself to building up my own habits of expectation, being
content with receiving little for myself while striving to give the most of
myself.
How much
time and effort did I spend on trying to build up the most impressive professional
life? I was indeed able to jump though the hoops that were held out for me, or
run on that hamster wheel to prove my work ethic, and once I had exhausted
myself with all of that, I was absolutely no better on the inside; quite often
I had made myself much worse.
Instead,
I can completely commit myself to working on who I am, not on how I appear to
others, measuring my life by the rewards that so many other folks are sadly willing
to abandon.
I can direct
my efforts to improving my character. That is never beyond my reach, because it
requires only what I already have. That will never let me down, because it
fulfills everything that I am.
Written in 12/2011
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