Also to eat and drink and sleep
under the supervision of a good man is a great benefit. All these things, which
would come about inevitably from living together in the country, Theognis
praised in the verses where he says,
"Drink and eat and sit down
with good men, and win the approval of those whose influence and power is
great."
That he means that none others
but good men have great power for the good of men, if one eats and drinks and
sits down with them, he has shown in the following:
"From good men you will
learn good, but if you mingle with the bad you will destroy even such soul as
you had."
I have learned to take a mastery over myself quite
seriously, so I will not lightly surrender my own choices to another. I am,
however, also quite prone to the weakness of assuming that if I accept the help
of another, I have then giving myself up to another.
My failure is, once again, my inability to see that
we are all made for mutual support. When someone else assists me in being
myself, he neither diminishes me nor diminishes himself. When I assist someone
else in being himself, I neither diminish him nor diminish myself. It is all
made to work together, not in opposition.
When I trust a teacher, he is not my owner, and I
am not his slave. There are two perfectly good reasons why he has an authority over
me as my teacher, and neither one takes away any of my freedoms.
First, he knows the truth and has lived well far more
fully than I have ever managed to do, and so I should respect his word and
example.
Second, I am quite clueless in my own thinking and
living, and so I should struggle to become more like him.
These two situations are not unconnected, and
Nature has arranged that we are made for one another. The hand is made to fit
the glove. He helps me to start becoming a decent man, and I, in turn, help him
to continue being a decent man.
We will often speak about mutual benefits, yet our
understanding of them can be quite shallow on the one hand, and quite selfish
on the other. A friendship, whether between equals or unequals, is not
dependent on trivialities. A respect, whether between those better or worse, is
not meant to be a passing thing.
And there is no better way, I would suggest, to
building lasting and worthy relationships than living with someone, and working
with someone, day in and day out.
Theognis, the ancient poet we forget at the expense
of Hesiod or Homer, had it quite right. Live your life in the close company of great
people, because they will make you powerful.
“Ah, See? I was right! I will win power!”
Be careful, because you must understand where your
power lies. Your power is not in your pleasures, however much they tempt you.
Your power is not in making money, however much that may call to you. Your
power is not in a control over others, as much as that may get your rocks off.
No, your power lies in offering respect, giving justice,
and showing kindness to anyone who crosses your path, however different that
person may be. Love others for who they are, and do not lust for them on account
of what they might do for you; neither should you hate them when they cease to gratify
you.
If you ever find someone who can truly help you
find your way, follow that person. If it is at all possible, live closely with
that person in order to learn. I fear we no longer have real teachers, and we
no longer have real students, because so few of us want to actually share
our lives with one another.
I assure you that you will not find inspiration
from merely chatting with the person in the next cubicle at work, where you are
just another piece of meat to be bought and sold. This is what you employer
thinks of you, and this what your peers think of you by extension.
If you can’t go off, in the best hippie way, to
start a farm of your own, commit to growing some vegetables together in a backyard
or on a patio. Your humble efforts will reveal to you how the bonds of friendship
are deeply tied to the working of some shared soil, however small your plot may
be. George Eliot said it better:
A human life, I think, should be
well rooted in some spot of native land, where it may get the love of tender
kinship for the face of the earth, for the labors of men go forth to, for the
sounds and accents that haunt it, for whatever will give that early home a
familiar unmistakable difference among the future widening of knowledge: a spot
where the definiteness of early memories may be inwrought with affection, and
kindly acquaintance with all neighbors, even to the dogs and donkeys, may
spread not by sentimental effort and reflection, but as a sweet habit of the
blood.
Written in 11/1999
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