Musonius Rufus, Lectures 15.3

And that raising many children is an honorable and profitable thing one may gather from the fact that a man who has many children is honored in the city, that he has the respect of his neighbors, that he has more influence than his equals if they are not equally blest with children.

I need not argue that a man with many friends is more powerful than one who has no friends, and so a man who has many children is more powerful than one without any or with only a few children, or rather much more so, since a son is closer than a friend.

I have seen some people break out into mocking laughter when I have shared this passage with them.

“Seriously? He thinks that children are somehow profitable? He thinks that children will win me some respect? He thinks that children will give me more power? This guy must be crazy!”

Properly define profit, or respect, or power. The misunderstanding will be found right there.

Will a child make me rich? Rich in spirit, certainly, even if not in money. It all depends on what we think is truly worth possessing.

Will a child give me a better reputation? Yes, it will bring me honor with people of character, the ones whose judgments we should take to heart.

Will a child offer me greater strength? The love for my offspring will provide me with more power to live according to virtue, the only sort of power that really matters.

I can think of how great a blessing it is to have friends, and then I can think of how much more of a blessing it is to have children. In both cases, and in increasing degrees, I am given the opportunity to be more fully human, to exercise all of the qualities that allow me to live well and be happy.

I could merely look at a friend as an amusement or convenience for myself, or at a child as an extension of my own wishes, and yet that would only make me a worse man.

Another option is open to me, that I consider a friend as someone to offer my love, and a child as someone to offer every last bit of my love. I can learn to be more just through a friend, while I can learn what it means to sacrifice absolutely everything for a child.

I can make myself better by helping other people to be better, where the practice of moral worth is the greatest gain, the most complete reward.

Is there really profit, respect, or power in any of that? The grasping man, the fellow committed to his station in life, may not think so, but I’ve decided on a different path, a commitment to what I can give, not to what I might receive.

Written in 2/2000