How great and worthy an estate is
marriage is plain from this also, that gods watch over it, great gods, too, in
the estimation of men; first Hera (and for this reason we address her as the
patroness of wedlock), then Eros, then Aphrodite, for we assume that all of
these perform the function of bringing together man and woman for the
procreation of children.
Where, indeed, does Eros more
properly belong than in the lawful union of man and wife? Where Hera? Where
Aphrodite? When would one more appropriately pray to these divinities than when
entering into marriage? What should we more properly call the work of Aphrodite
than the joining of wife and husband?
Why, then, should anyone say that
such great divinities watch over and guard marriage and the procreation of
children, unless these things are the proper concern of man?
Though I at first had to be dragged along kicking
and screaming, I eventually learned that nothing human can make any sense outside
the context of the Divine, that the meaning of the part is only apparent
through the purpose of the whole.
An appeal to the gods, or to God, or to whatever
terms we might like to use, simply reflects the profound acceptance that
nothing can exist in isolation.
And so it is that any love coming from me is only
possible through a sharing in the Love that unites all things together. I have
seen many people speak of love as something that is merely about them and their
selfish desires, and I have succumbed to that error myself, and I finally wished
to escape from my self-imposed limits.
I was a bit surprised when my future wife, in the
first proper letter she ever sent me, quoted one of my heroes, the Emperor
Charles of Austria. On the day before his wedding to Zita of Bourbon-Parma he
said to her:
Now, we must help each other to
get to Heaven.
Here I was, so cynical about other people, that I thought
she might just be playing with me. She could not possibly, at that point, have
known of my great admiration for Charles. Who said something like that, and
actually still meant it?
Piety is not about putting on a show, or going
through some mindless motions, or abusing the concept of God to stroke an ego.
Piety is reverence, and for the Romans this covered all the bases, and included
a deep respect for the gods, for family, and for fellow citizens.
All love flows from a sense of responsibility and
duty, and so the love between a husband and a wife mirrors a Universal Love. The
lower is only possible through a participation with the higher.
A selective love, an affection that depends upon
conditions, isn’t a love at all. There is a perfectly good reason the Divine
smiles upon marriage, because we become most fully human, and therefore most
fully play our part in Nature, when we give all of ourselves to another.
Written in 1/2000
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