Constantly contemplate the whole of time and the whole of
substance, and consider that all individual things as to substance are a grain
of a fig, and as to time the turning of a gimlet.
—Marcus
Aurelius, Meditations, Book 10.17 (tr
Long)
There are all
sorts of phrases that rub me the wrong way, and I have stubbornly complained
about many of them, but few expressions seem to frustrate me as much as when
someone tells me that “it isn’t that important”, or “it’s no big deal”.
I know that my
annoyance stems from a foolish pride, but it will feel as if I my concerns are
simply being dismissed, that what matters to me doesn’t really matter at all. I
grit my teeth, thinking that just saying something is small does not make it go
away. Losing my best friend, or burying a child, or failing yet again at trying
to make a living, seemed quite important to me, and it appears others will just
quietly shrug it off.
I hardly know
how people may have intended it, but I have come to learn how I should always
have taken it. It isn’t that it is insignificant, but rather that I can only
understand how it is significant within a greater context. When I can see the
part within the whole, I can then understand how it serves a deeper purpose. It
is still most certainly something, but it no longer has to be everything in my
estimation.
This is why my
pains, and losses, and blunders do not need to overwhelm me. They can all help
me to be more fully human, and by being more fully human I am playing my own role
in a bigger story. The meaning is to be discovered in how all the pieces fit
together.
I find many
people are drawn to Stoicism because of the sense of independence it offers,
rightly reminding us that we need only live through what is within our own
power. At the same time, however, while stressing the dignity of our own
thoughts and actions, I also see Stoicism as placing our own existence within
all of Nature, the harmony of my own life with all of life, the relationship of
my own being with all of being. How I should choose to live must be in free
cooperation with Providence. My independence only proceeds through
interdependence with others and with my world.
It is in this
fullness of time and substance that I can find comfort and direction.
My grandmother once
brought home some fresh figs, and when she cut one open I was fascinated by the
many tiny seeds within the flesh. Did each of those little grains matter? Of
course they did, but only as parts of the whole. Do all the aspects of my life
matter? Of course they do, but only as parts of the whole. They are indeed
small, but they belong to something big..
Written in 1/2009
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