Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 2.8

Through not observing what is in the mind of another, a man has seldom been seen to be unhappy; but those who do not observe the movements of their own minds must of necessity be unhappy.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 2 (tr Long)

One of my favorite philosophical definitions, for its simplicity, brevity, and clarity, is one of the formulations identifying the nature of justice from Plato’s Republic. Justice, we are told, is really nothing but minding one’s own business. Concern yourself with what is rightly your own, and let others concern themselves with what is rightly their own.

Now to think of all the grief I would have saved myself if I had taken this insight to heart. It applies, of course, to receiving what we deserve, to giving what is due, and to respecting the responsibility for our own affairs, but it also extends to respecting the responsibility for our own thinking. I should surely know my own mind, because it is only from my own judgments that I can rule myself. But should I know the minds of others, and is it really my place to rule their judgments for them?

I have wasted precious time and effort in trying to understand why someone would so wish to hurt me, while also neglecting to think about how I should heal myself. I must come to terms with the fact that it I will never comprehend precisely what someone else is thinking, and that it would hardly do me any good if I could make sense of it. There are many particular things I do not need to know, because they are simply not my business. What is my business, however, is getting my own thinking in order.

The lives of others, and the decisions they make, are perhaps very interesting to us because we can be more careless about something in which we have no real stake. At the same time, occupying ourselves with other people’s minds provides a convenient distraction from mastering our own minds. Ruling ourselves is hard, but pretending to rule others feels so easy.

Our double standard reveals itself when we are quite ready to pry, to meddle, to point fingers, and to judge others, but we resent it mightily when the same things are done to us. By all means, offer assistance when it is needed, and advice when it is sought, but be careful that such apparent concern does not simply mask a smug sense of superiority.

Though my intent may not be malicious, I am certainly diverting myself from managing my own thoughts when I worry more about someone else’s thoughts, and this can easily become a means for casting blame on others when I should instead be taking the blame for myself.

Yes, someone else may have done wrong, but let that be as it is, because I do not have any power over it. My task is not to live another's life for him, but to live my own as best I can, and if I am confronted with something wrong, my only responsibility is to make quite certain that I do something right.

I often find it very difficult to reflect upon myself sincerely, since it is so easy to lie to myself and make up excuses. I am the only one, after all, who is capable of calling out my own inner thoughts. The discipline of self-awareness can be deeply frustrating, but I recognize more and more that I can only know myself if I calmly clear my mind of any external interference, including the unnecessary worry about the thoughts of another.

Written in 8/2004