. . . When you go to visit some great
man, prepare your mind by thinking that you will not find him in, that you will
be shut out, that the doors will be slammed in your face, that he will pay no
heed to you.
And if in spite of all this you find it
fitting for you to go, go and bear what happens and never say to yourself, 'It
was not worth all this'; for that shows a vulgar mind and one at odds with
outward things. . . .
—Epictetus,
The Handbook, Chapter 33 (tr
Matheson)
I have
heard some people describe these words of Epictetus as negative and
pessimistic. Why should I not expect recognition, success, and glory from this
life? Why should I assume the worst, when it would far better to hope for the
best? Wouldn’t a more positive attitude be far more helpful in getting me what
I want from others?
Indeed,
I have noticed this “getting what I want from others” approach to be one of the
most common of our time. It might seem to be a necessary ingredient for a
productive life, as so many of those who come out on top appear to share in this
way of thinking. If I am going to seek a position of importance, I should
surely stop at nothing to acquire it.
Stoicism,
however, asks us to reconsider the very measure of our lives, and suggests a
rather different approach to outward things. Instead of asking myself whether I
will or will not receive an honor I think I am due, I might be better served by
asking myself whether I will or will not have acted according to my own excellence.
I should seek to be in a right position toward myself, and not concern myself so
much about my position toward others.
I would
suggest that the very expectation of recognition and status is hardly a
positive attitude at all. It isn’t within my power to determine how another
receives me, even as it is very much within my power to determine how I judge
and act myself. To believe that I deserve rewards from others isn’t really
about self-reliance at all, but about dependence, and to measure my success by
what others should give me isn’t about my own merit, but about entitlement.
How
positive or negative, optimistic or pessimistic, an attitude may seem to be has
everything to do with what we consider worthy. The Stoic has confidence only in
himself, and is willing to let all else be as it will be. I find that deeply
positive, because it is an attitude of complete liberation. The lover of
worldly success judges himself happy when he looks forward to others providing
their favors. I find that deeply negative, because it is an attitude of
complete subservience.
As
someone who has struggled with the bite of the Black Dog for many years, I
recognize my own version of negative thinking. When a foul mood overcomes me, I
might think that the solution is to engage all the more in fixing my
circumstances. I have found, however, that this has exactly the opposite result,
much like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. My attitude will not improve by fixing the world, but
rather by fixing myself. I find I am being quite the pessimist when I rely upon
externals, and only an optimist when I rely upon my own judgment.
Whether
it was the royal courts of the past, or the corporate boardrooms of the
present, “getting what I want from others” is, from the Stoic perspective, a
model grounded in surrender. I may wish and hope for all the best results from
my bowing and scraping, from my pandering and flattery, but I will already have
sold myself out by looking for what is good in all the wrong places.
To be at
odds with outward things isn’t about failing to get them to conform to me, it’s
rather about even wanting them to conform to me to begin with. Once I can
change my position in relation to others, I can suddenly see good and bad with
very different eyes.
Written in 2/2012
Image: Jean-Leon Gerome, Reception of the Grand Condé at Versailles (1838)
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