Has
some one had precedence of you at an entertainment or a levée or been called in
before you to give advice? If these things are good you ought to be glad that
he got them; if they are evil, do not be angry that you did not get them
yourself.
Remember
that if you want to get what is not in your power, you cannot earn the same
reward as others unless you act as they do. How is it possible for one who does
not haunt the great man's door to have equal shares with one who does, or one
who does not go in his train equality with one who does; or one who does not
praise him with one who does? You will be unjust then and insatiable if you
wish to get these privileges for nothing, without paying their price.
What
is the price of a lettuce? An obol perhaps. If then a man pays his obol and
gets his lettuces, and you do not pay and do not get them, do not think you are
defrauded. For as he has the lettuces so you have the obol you did not give.
The
same principle holds good too in conduct. You were not invited to some one's
entertainment? Because you did not give the host the price for which he sells
his dinner. He sells it for compliments, he sells it for attentions. Pay him
the price then, if it is to your profit. But if you wish to get the one and yet
not give up the other, nothing can satisfy you in your folly.
What?
you say, you have nothing instead of the dinner?
No,
you have this, you have not praised the man you did not want to praise, you
have not had to bear with the insults of his doorstep.
—Epictetus,
The Handbook, Chapter 25 (tr
Matheson)
We all
know that feeling, that sudden and instinctive pang of jealousy when we see
someone earning a reward we think should be ours. There is no reason, of
course, we cannot simply be happy for someone if he has received a good, and we
hardly need feel envious if he has received an evil.
On a
deeper level, I ask myself about the nature of these supposed benefits, and the
price I would have to pay to receive them. Why should I even want to achieve
office and prestige, and what would I have to do to myself to attain them? In
the simplest sense, the man who wishes to win the world must sell his soul.
This is hardly an exaggeration.
To bask
in the glory of thieves and scoundrels I need to become a thief and scoundrel
myself. To win power and fame I must practice flattery, duplicity, and
manipulation. I have now given away the only thing that ever made me
worthwhile, my ability to act with integrity, conviction, and justice.
The end
itself is an empty vanity, and the means to that end is the road to perdition.
Whenever
I feel a pang of envy or resentment, I need only remember what is truly
worthwhile in life, and that some prices are just too high to pay.
I have
noticed how in the gilded halls of power and fame people will play certain roles
based on certain patterns. There are times to appear compassionate, principled,
humble, outraged, or regretful. One puts on different masks for different
occasions, and the wording follows a certain script. We surely all know this,
yet we seem to fall for it every time. It doesn’t matter if we really mean it,
but it matters if we appear to mean it.
Epictetus
is asking us if we wish to pay that price, of selling our dignity for favors. I
just need to remember that having a seat at a banquet of flattery and decadence
isn’t something I should even want to begin with.
I once
had an interview for a job I was uncertain about, but the work did seem like it
could be worthwhile, and the pay would have been quite nice for a man with a
new family. The fellow whose assistant I would have become ended our
conversation by asking me what reasons I had for wanting the job. I gave what I
thought was an honest answer, but he then asked the same question, worded
slightly differently each time, over and over.
Obviously,
the answers I was giving were not the ones he wanted to hear. I was only told
after the fact that he was giving me an opportunity to tell him how much I
wanted to work with him, and that I
should have praised his insights and achievements. The fact that it did not
occur to me at the time that this was all about personality, and not principle,
shows you why I was never cut out to be in administration.
I
certainly can’t be indignant about not getting those sorts of rewards if I’m
not willing to pay that price. I can remember that I have something of far
greater price if I maintain my honesty. You can take the lettuce, I will keep
my obol.
Written in 5/2007
Image: silver obol with a depiction of Athena (Athens, 5th c. BC)
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