The Death of Marcus Aurelius

The Death of Marcus Aurelius

Saturday, September 30, 2017

Seneca on Philosophy and Friendship 7



. . . I should like also to state to you one of the distinctions of Chrysippus, who declares that the wise man is in want of nothing, and yet needs many things. "On the other hand," he says, "nothing is needed by the fool, for he does not understand how to use anything, but he is in want of everything."

The wise man needs hands, eyes, and many things that are necessary for his daily use; but he is in want of nothing. For want implies a necessity, and nothing is necessary to the wise man.

Therefore, although he is self-sufficient, yet he has need of friends. He craves as many friends as possible, not, however, that he may live happily; for he will live happily even without friends. The Supreme Good calls for no practical aids from outside; it is developed at home, and arises entirely within itself. If the good seeks any portion of itself from without, it begins to be subject to the play of Fortune. . . .

—Seneca the Younger, Moral Letters to Lucilius 9, tr Gummere

What do I need from outside of myself to live well? I need nothing but opportunities, and every experience offered by fortune is an opportunity.

What do I want from outside of myself to live well? I have learned that I should want nothing at all. I need only to be grateful for anything offered.

Chrysippus, the third leader of the Stoic school, said it rightly. It’s all about the distinction between wanting and needing.

The grasping man wants many things, because he depends upon fortune to feed his desires. He needs nothing at all, because the gifts of his nature are lost to him.

The good man wants nothing, because he knows his life does not revolve around fortune. He needs many things, because everything in his life is an occasion to live according to his nature.

The need for friends is not a necessity that comes from depending on what others may do for my happiness, but simply depends upon the opportunity I am given to love them.

It is only when we falsely reverse the order of life, by confusing the internal and the external, that we think of our need for friends in the wrong way. Some might say that they need friends because they need help, or because they are lonely. Though hardly desirable, the self-sufficient man can live well without help, and he can live well even if he is alone. The need for others is only in what comes from within him.

This can be a hard path to follow, and it must be understood rightly, especially since we are so accustomed to defining ourselves socially. It is hardly that the Stoic is not a social animal, but rather that he is a social animal for a different set of reasons.

I have learned to distinguish the difference between what I call being alone and being lonely. I have spent much of my life alone, sometimes by choice, because I appreciate the peace of solitude, and sometimes by circumstance, because I am hardly a social magnet. This is not necessarily a bad thing, and it has become a means to help me practice self-sufficiency.

But I have also had times where I have terrible lonely, and this isn’t quite the same thing. I can be alone and still be happy, but the sadness of being lonely comes only from my own estimation, because I am feeling the desire to be recognized or appreciated. Knowing that the solution to this feeling is in my own thinking has been a great help.

There is an important distinction, therefore, between needing friends to love, and wanting friends to be loved. To recognize it is to have taken an important step in the Stoic Turn, where we reorder our lives from what comes to us to what we do.

Written 1/2005

Image: Johann Heinrich Lips (1758-1817), An Allegory of Friendship

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