Managing Appearances

"Make it your study then to confront every harsh impression with the words, 'You are but an impression, and not at all what you seem to be.'  Then test it by those rules that you possess ; and first by this—the chief test of all—'Is it concerned with what is in our power or with what is not in our power?'  And if it is concerned with what is not in our power, be ready with the answer that it is nothing to you."

---Epcitetus, Enchiridion 1 (tr Matheson)

 Appearances can be tricky things. When I surrender judgment to feeling, impressions will inevitably run away with me. When I learn to distinguish between how something can be understood in nature and how it may seem to my passions, I've started untangling the confusion. Then, I can discern whether the appearances are under my power, in which case I can tame them through my own action, or outside of my power, in which case they have nothing to do with me.

This may seem too simple, especially to those of us who have struggled with seemingly overwhelming sadness, anger, fear, or longing. I suggest that the difficulty lies not in the act itself of owning or discarding an appearance, which is in itself clear enough, but in the thinking that precedes our decision. If I am not completely convinced and certain of the guiding Stoic principle that the only things that are good or bad for me come from my own virtue or vice, wisdom or ignorance, then I won't be able to take the necessary step that Epictetus describes.

A number of years ago I was sorting through boxes of old papers in my family's basement. Some brought fond memories, others led to dark imaginings. I came across two large paper bags stuffed with countless letters written to me long ago by someone professing undying love and loyalty. The impressions began to weigh down on me. Here was my choice. Would I allow the feelings to conquer me? Was my sadness, anger, and pain anything to do with me, or something outside of me?

At that particular moment, I made the right choice, though I far too often have made the wrong one. The easy act of tossing those bags in the trash, without a glance, came not from denial or fear, but from the clear understanding that there was no purpose in crying over spilled milk. I can choose to take the appearance and turn it to good use, to that which is under my power. One of the Stoic lessons that has helped me most is simply this: if you don't like the feeling of hurt, don't be the sort of person who causes hurt. That is within my power. The rest isn't.



Written on 6/15/2016

Image: MC Escher, Day and Night (1938)