Wisdom from the Early Cynics, Diogenes 20

To one who by argument had proved conclusively that he had horns, Diogenes said, touching his forehead, "Well, I for my part don't see any." 

In like manner, when somebody declared that there is no such thing as motion, he got up and walked about. 

When some one was discoursing on celestial phenomena, "How many days," asked Diogenes, "were you in coming from the sky?" 

A eunuch of bad character had inscribed on his door the words, "Let nothing evil enter." 

"How then," Diogenes asked, "is the master of the house to get in?" 

When he had anointed his feet with unguent, he declared that from his head the unguent passed into the air, but from his feet into his nostrils. 

The Athenians urged Diogenes to become initiated, and told him that in the other world those who have been initiated enjoy a special privilege. 

"It would be ludicrous," said he, "if Agesilaus and Epaminondas are to dwell in the mire, while certain folk of no account will live in the Isles of the Blessed because they have been initiated." 

—Diogenes Laërtius, 6.39