Seneca, Moral Letters 16.2

Hence you no longer need to come to me with much talk and protestations; I know that you have made great progress. I understand the feelings which prompt your words; they are not feigned or specious words.

Nevertheless, I shall tell you what I think—that at present I have hopes for you, but not yet perfect trust. And I wish that you would adopt the same attitude towards yourself; there is no reason why you should put confidence in yourself too quickly and readily. 

Examine yourself; scrutinize and observe yourself in diverse ways; but mark, before all else, whether it is in philosophy or merely in age itself that you have made progress.

 

An honest self-estimation tells me that I have a highly sensitive disposition, and so if I were to receive this letter myself, I imagine that I would initially feel insulted. It would sound as if Seneca had told me that I am getting too old to have my hand held all the time, and furthermore that he doesn’t really trust me. 

 

Taking offense, however, is entirely in the perception. If I choose not to be offended by the words or deeds of another, whatever his intention may have been, then I will not be offended. If we could simply refuse to engage in drama and conflict about what we happen to dislike, our lives would be so much easier. 

 

Seneca, of course, is not speaking out of malice at all, but offers only encouragement. Instead of taking it as a slight, if someone tells me that I am strengthening my intellectual and moral discipline, I should feel inspired all the more. If he assures me that my hesitations arise from sincere concerns, I should take that as a compliment. 

 

Finally, if he says that his confidence in me is growing, why should I protest that it is not yet complete? It is my job to earn it, through my own efforts, not his job to surrender it, based upon my convenience. It would be as if I complained when someone told I was getting better, since he didn’t think I was already the best. 

 

There is a wonderful aspect of the Stoic Turn here as well, where I must recognize that the faith another has in me is quite secondary to the faith I have in myself. So that fellow isn’t sure that I am totally reliable? Good for him! He has taught me something terribly important, that I should always question my own integrity, and that I need to work on being a man of character during every hour of every day. How can anyone trust me absolutely, if I do not first trust myself absolutely? 

 

Following Heraclitus, I see that my own growth is akin to the constant change in all things; I am a process and never a state. A vigilance is necessary, not one of anxiety, but one of calm self-awareness. 

 

What is the worst thing that could befall me? I used to worry about horrifying circumstances, but now I know better. It would be most tragic if I found myself growing older without becoming more understanding and more loving. Looking in the mirror, the sight of a worn and wrinkled face is bearable, while the sight of an angry and bitter face is unbearable. I can’t control the aging, though I can control my thoughts and choices. 

Written in 7/2012