“I hope so,” said he.
You see then that you must become a student—that creature whom all mock at—if you really wish to investigate your judgements. That this is not the work of an hour or a day you fully understand without my telling you.
I come across people who have embraced all sorts of different philosophies, and yet I find that most of them have hardly changed anything about the way they live. There is much talk about deeper values, while money remains the highest commodity, and there are appeals to the power of love, even as the love still seems to follow after the power. The name of the “-ism” or the colors the tribe will make little difference if it’s only a new window dressing.
One of the ways I can appreciate the authenticity of Stoicism is that I find it impossible to bullshit my way through it. If the thinking has not radically transformed the way I go about managing my day, then I am immediately aware of what a fraud I am, and my conscience won’t let me rest until I have rigorously applied what I have learned. It can be a frustrating feature, though it is also an incredibly helpful one.
And what Epictetus says here offers me a healthy reminder about how I must completely rebuild my priorities if I am to take a responsibility for my human nature seriously.
We are educated in many subjects, and trained in a variety of skills, and all of them are a waste of time without first possessing a critical and uncompromising self-awareness.
When I wake in the morning, my first thought should not be about what others will demand of me, or how I will acquire more things, but rather about where I am to find the wisdom and virtue within myself to act with conviction and integrity. When I lay my head down at night, my last thought should not be about whether I was successful in increasing my fame and fortune, but whether I was successful in increasing my character.
Now Epictetus is not telling us to be oblivious to the outside world, though he is insisting that the external things only become good for us through our internal judgments. The most important object of study is the self, and everything else about my relationship to the world will proceed from this.
If this is my most precious goal, I will appear quite the fool to most of my fellows. They will laugh at me if I tell them that my lifelong vocation is to become more understanding and loving, but I can choose not to be harmed by their disdain. The task requires total attention, and the effort will be constant.
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