You
do not choose to direct the affairs of the state except as consul, or prytanis,
or meddix, or sufes: what should we say if you refused to serve in the army
save as general or military tribune?
How accustomed I have become to
thinking of success and failure by my circumstances. I will define my worth by
the things I possess, the position I am given, or the satisfaction I receive.
And if these don’t come my way as I demand, I wonder who I might blame for my
misery, or why the stars weren’t aligned, or if I just wasn’t clever or
forceful enough in winning the conditions I wanted.
“This
has happened, or that was taken away,
so now I can never be happy!” What an odd way for me to understanding winning
or losing, where everything I am depends on everything other than myself.
“But what can I possibly do now,
without any opportunities?” That will all hinge upon what I consider worth
doing. Many people will measure success and failure by wealth, influence, and
luxury, but I do not need to see it that way at all. If I reflect upon my own
nature, I can do much better.
There will always be opportunities
for me to live well and to be of service. I can always know success, if only I
so decide, whenever I take the time and effort to act according to Nature. Has
my action been a just one? Then, whatever the context or whatever the scale, it
has been a good one, and a successful one.
All that stands in my way is my own
stubborn insistence that the world should give me rewards beyond the virtue of
my own actions, or that others should give me only the opportunities I prefer.
It suddenly starts sounding quite vain when I put it that way.
Some will commit to unconditional
love, and then promptly add conditions. Others will beg for the chance to get
ahead in life, and then promptly reject the options they are given. This is
because they do not know what love is, and they do not know what getting ahead
in life really entails.
I can’t say that I want to help society
by being a teacher, but then complain about the low pay, the grueling hours of
grading, the crippling politics, or the ungrateful students.
I can’t say I want to be a lawyer to
defend people’s rights, but then complain about not getting into the right law
school, or being hired by the wrong firm, or losing that plum promotion.
In much the same way, I can’t say
that I want to be a good man, but then complain about all the available ways I
could go about being a good man.
Where is the obstacle? I am the
obstacle. I can’t control what life gives me, even as I can control what I give
to life. It won’t be actual service if I insist on being served.
Written in 7/2011
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