Living in the best way 11

. . . "Remember these nine rules, as if you had received them as a gift from the Muses, and begin at last to be a man while you live. But you must equally avoid flattering men and being vexed at them, for both are unsocial and lead to harm.

"And let this truth be present to you in the excitement of anger, that to be moved by passion is not manly, but that mildness and gentleness, as they are more agreeable to human nature, so also are they more manly; and he who possesses these qualities possesses strength, nerves and courage, and not the man who is subject to fits of passion and discontent.

"For in the same degree in which a man's mind is nearer to freedom from all passion, in the same degree also is it nearer to strength: and as the sense of pain is a characteristic of weakness, so also is anger. For he who yields to pain and he who yields to anger, both are wounded and both submit." . . .

--Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 11 (tr Long)

There will still be one final principle of Stoic practice, a tenth value that will both flow from and inform all the others, but for a moment, Marcus Aurelius pauses. What unites everything we have learned is our willingness to have reason rule our passions. None of this a denial or suppression of our feelings. It all rests on the realization that I only rule myself when I act according to sound judgment, and order my emotions with and through that judgment.

Sometimes I am pulled toward the one emotional extreme of giving and receiving flattery. This is the life of the the prideful and manipulative man, the one who loves the false appearances of esteem and status. It is ultimately a concupiscible life, one ordered by a desire for pleasant feelings.

Sometimes, I am pulled toward another emotional extreme of anger and resentment. This is the life of the forceful man of conflict, the one who revels in opposition and conquest. It is ultimately an irascible life, one ordered by the desire for aggressive feelings.

We may lean toward one or the other, or we swing from one to the other, but again, we are missing the mean. We are missing the fact that man, as rational, is rightly sociable, and is made to live in harmony with his brothers and sisters. Neither the want of struggle nor the want of pleasure and position should distract us from the rightful human balance.

I don't think of the reference to manliness here to be some sort of macho toughness, the one that gives Stoicism a bad rap. I think of it as being genuinely human, being mild, gentle, and self-controlled.

It is a strength that does not come from forcibly ruling others, but from ruling oneself. I am weak when I am a victim of my feelings alone, truly strong when I am the master of my passions. There you have a Stoic.

Don't ever think that the strong person is the one who can manipulate the feelings of others, or impose his will by force. He is adamant, hard as steel, not in his coldness, but in his love of right.

Written in 11/2002