"Fear nothing, and hope for nothing."

"He who has calmly reconciled his life to fate, and set proud death beneath his feet, can look fortune in the face, unbending both to good and bad. His countenance unconquered he can show. The rage and threatenings of the sea will not move him, though they stir from its depths the upheaving swell.

Vesuvius's furnaces may never so often burst forth, and he may send rolling upwards smoke and fire; the lightning, whose wont it is to smite down lofty towers, may flash upon its way, but such men shall they never move.

Why then stand they wretched and aghast when fierce tyrants rage in impotence? Fear nothing, and hope for nothing: thus shall you have a weak man's rage disarmed. But whoso fears with trembling, or desires anything from them, he stands not firmly rooted, but dependent: thus has he thrown away his shield; he can be rooted up, and he links for himself the very chain whereby he may be dragged."

--Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy, Book 1, Meter 4 (tr Cooper)

The Consolation of Philosophy was one of the texts that changed my life. Many Christians say it isn't really Christian, Most Platonists say it isn't really Platonic, and Stoics usually have little to do with it at all. I claim that it wonderfully exemplifies all three approaches, and I see no problem with that. I consider this a truly Stoic text in so many ways, and the above passage should be a clear indication as to why I do so. I have little interest in the various '-isms'. I care for the truth of the matter.

Many of us forget that the Consolation was one of the most influential texts of the Middle Ages, and I think that is true because it didn't play to a certain school of thought or to any '-ism.' It spoke, and still speaks to, the human need to confront suffering. This is a text that is basically a prison narrative, a man expecting death, though he did no wrong. Now how would any of us manage such a situation?

I deeply regret my years in college. Everyone tells us these should be the best years, or at the very least the years where we begin to blossom and become our best. I made very foolish mistakes. I did continue pursuing the things I loved the most, learning about philosophy, history, literature, and music. But I made one truly fatal mistake. I fell in love.

Loving wasn't the problem, of course, but allowing myself to be ruled by my feelings was a problem. Early in my junior year, after over two years with the girl I thought was the measure of my life, I saw her at a party where she wasn't expecting me. She was wrapped around a fellow on a couch. She hadn't seen me, and I walked away. The realization that 'my girl' was hardly faithful crushed me.

That Monday morning, I sat on a quiet patch of grass behind our library. I played my mandolin, because I'm that sort of dork, and then I read in my copy of the Consolation, because I'm that sort of nerd. I had a very important realization about how I should relate to my circumstances.

Fortune often seemed to hurt, I thought. I had made many mistakes, but I had tried my best. Still, the woman I loved thought it better to fool around with another man. None of this seemed fair at all. Why couldn't she tell me she was unhappy? Couldn't she at least be honest in her intentions?

It was Boethius that helped to begin to manage the pain. It wasn't over then, and it still isn't over now. But I recognized on that pleasant grassy hill that I needed to be more than my fortune. I needed to be constant only in my own character, and never allow myself to depend upon the whims of others. I could, heaven forbid, be my own man. Only that could ever make me strong.

If I only rely upon my own character, I need never fear pain, and I need never expect the world to give me anything. That, I think, is true freedom, and true happiness.

The story doesn't end there, but the root of ending it does begin there.

Written on 4/15/1996

Image: Boethius and Lady Philosophy, Ghent (1485)