Musonius Rufus, Lectures 3.7

Would not such a woman be a great help to the man who married her, an ornament to her relatives, and a good example for all who know her?

Yes, but I assure you, some will say, that women who associate with philosophers are bound to be arrogant for the most part and presumptuous, in that abandoning their own households and turning to the company of men they practice speeches, talk like sophists, and analyze syllogisms, when they ought to be sitting at home spinning.

I should not expect the women who study philosophy to shirk their appointed tasks for mere talk any more than men, but I maintain that their discussions should be conducted for the sake of their practical application.

Couldn’t we argue that women should avoid philosophy, not because they are somehow unworthy of a great privilege, but because philosophy will only encourage them to become insufferable snobs?

In other words, we should look at how much time men already waste with their posing and posturing about obscure ideas, and we should hesitate to have women follow suit. Sitting at home and spinning at least produces something useful, while intellectual musings have no practical application at all.

Well, the issue will then no longer be about men and women, but about the worth of philosophy itself. If by philosophy we mean simply spouting empty words in order to hear ourselves speak, then yes, women should surely avoid it, and so should men.

The world does not need more talking heads and hot air; the world does need more people who actually get things done.

That is not, however, the sort of philosophy Musonius holds dear. We have sadly come to think of philosophy only through the ways we have abused it, retaining the word but not the task.  Yes, if theory is separated from practice, if ideas are divorced from actions, and if thinking is removed from living, then we are indeed wasting our time.

The Stoic, however, like any genuine philosopher, will insist that the exercise of the mind must always be in service to the excellence of our character.

Don’t “do” philosophy because you like to ponder grand abstractions, or to impress your friends with how clever you are, or to wallow in leisure instead of committing to labor; we already have plenty of professional academics to do that, the sophists of our modern age.

Rather, “live” philosophy so you can learn to live well, to practice virtue in all of your affairs, to inform every one of your thoughts, words, and deeds with meaning and purpose. Know the true from the false, the right from the wrong, in order to be happy, and to help others be happy. Contemplate justice for the sake of treating your neighbor with justice.

Philosophy, in this proper sense, is not one trade among many, but the universal human calling that stands behind all trades. All human beings require it, because creatures endowed with reason and choice can only do what is good if they first understand what is good. The question is not whether we will think about our actions, but rather whether we will think about them clearly. We will make countless judgments in our lives about what we believe to be right, so it will only benefit us if we actually know what is right.

Some people, men and women alike, will be powerful rulers, and others will wash the dishes. Some will heal the sick, and others will fight in wars. Some will teach the young, and others will bury the dead. It matters far less what our particular place in this world may be, and far more if we fulfill our particular calling with integrity, with decency, and with kindness.

Pursue philosophy not merely by reading fancy books, but by engaging in life. What will it help us if we know in which texts Aristotle discusses the nature of friendship, if we do not learn to love our friends? By all means, let us study as much as we like, and let us have engaging conversations about the difference between virtue and vice; more importantly, however, let us actually practice virtue instead of vice. 

Written in 4/1999

Sayings of Socrates 27

Someone will say: "Yes, Socrates, but cannot you hold your tongue, and then you may go into a foreign city, and no one will interfere with you?"

Now I have great difficulty in making you understand my answer to this. 

For if I tell you that this would be a disobedience to a divine command, and therefore that I cannot hold my tongue, you will not believe that I am serious.

And if I say that the greatest good of a man is daily to converse about virtue, and all that concerning which you hear me examining myself and others, and that the life that is unexamined is not worth living—that you are still less likely to believe.

—Plato, Apology 37e–38a 

ὁ δὲ ἀνεξέταστος βίος οὐ βιωτὸς ἀνθρώπῳ

My Old Friend, Ricky Skaggs

No, I never met the man, but that's on my bucket list. I call him a friend because of all that he's done for me. Whenever life seems so dark, so cynical, so jaded, his music has found a way to help me out of my rut. He always ended up being there.

Most younger country fans these days don't really remember him, and I suspect this is because he performed songs that don't match the negativity and harshness of the time. Yet he was my first introduction to real country music, by means of my interest in Irish folk and bluegrass.

In college, I fell in love with a girl who had her sights set on fame and worldly success. If I played this song, she would storm out of the room, yelling back at me that I was a backwards bum, a fellow caught in a hopelessly romantic view of the world.

"Woman You Won't Break Mine"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oq7dP3mtc4I

Of course she did break my heart, or more properly, I broke my own.

Well what do you do when you have a broken heart? You find a good country song to go along with it. Dogs and trucks are optional.

"Heartbreak Hurricane"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8TMDcatJ3s

When you've gone through all of the lies, and all of the cheating, and all of the pain, can you ever love or trust someone else? Yes, but find someone kind, someone honest, someone who has the same sense of magic about life as you do.

"He Was Onto Somethin' (So He Made You)"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDpRXdjaYSI

It doesn't hurt if she also comes from San Antonio.

"San Antonio Rose"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-zlP3P0bL0

As you find that you love her, you also learn that you love her because of who she is, because of her character. Nothing is more attractive than a beautiful soul.

Driving through the countryside in our first car, we would play this song over and over. It was because we had the most important thing in common, a love of God. Everything else falls into place after that.

"Soldier of the Cross"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiOTkDxeVnA

Yes, laugh at us all you like. Ricky Skaggs and I will be quite content with your rejection.

Written in 12/2000

Vanitas 1

Harmen Steenwijck, Vanitas (c. 1640)

Seneca, On Peace of Mind 2.5

The same thing applies both to those who suffer from fickleness and continual changes of purpose, who always are fondest of what they have given up, and those who merely yawn and dawdle.

Add to these those who, like bad sleepers, turn from side to side, and settle themselves first in one manner and then in another, until at last they find rest through sheer weariness. In forming the habits of their lives they often end by adopting some to which they are not kept by any dislike of change, but in the practice of which old age, which is slow to alter, has caught them living.

Add also those who are by no means fickle, yet who must thank their dullness, not their consistency for being so, and who go on living not in the way they wish, but in the way they have begun to live.

I should not fret over the fact that I find it difficult to be good, and that I struggle to be happy. If I am facing obstacles, it can mean that I am doing more than merely going through the motions for the sake of appearances, and it can mean that I am still guided by a sense of purpose. The hardship at least reflects an effort and a commitment. Better to stay in the fight than to yield.

I have often wondered how people can so easily brush off their circumstances. For some, it may well show how they have truly mastered themselves, and these are the folks I need to learn from. Yet for many others, it reveals how quickly they change their tunes. Once they confront something inconvenient or uncomfortable, they simply drop their former interests, and move on to something completely new.

“I don’t like this anymore. Look! There is another situation to hold my attention. I am tired of worrying about this. Look! Let me follow a different path.”

The house is cluttered and dirty, and the ashtrays are all full. Time to buy a new house.

I was always deeply confused as to why I was given promises of unconditional love at one moment, and then treated like a complete stranger the next. Was I so boring and tedious that I was now disposable? It never occurred to me that there was nothing I could have done to win the affections of those who had decided to no longer care.

Flighty people never stay with one thing for too long, especially if it requires real work. Their seeming ease in life is not ease at all, but a running away from any genuine dedication.

Then there are also those who just accept the last thing to come their way, exhausted by the effort of trying anymore, caught in the humdrum of mediocre habits. They lie wherever they fall.

Finally, there are also those who never reflect to begin with, and so are pushed and pulled by anything that crosses their paths. They are hardly content, but resigned to let everything be what it will be, while never even thinking about what they could be.

Yes, there were times when I was far too stubborn, or was pigheadedly unwilling to settle for what I perceived as second best, or kicked and screamed when the world rolled over me. Still, at least there was some life left in me, and I was not content to surrender my need to find some peace of mind. 

Written in 5/2011

Tao Te Ching 52

The Tao which originated all under the sky is to be considered as the mother of them all.

When the mother is found, we know what her children should be. When one knows that he is his mother's child, and proceeds to guard the qualities of the mother that belong to him, to the end of his life he will be free from all peril.

Let him keep his mouth closed, and shut up the portals of his nostrils, and all his life he will be exempt from laborious exertion. 

Let him keep his mouth open, and spend his breath in the promotion of his affairs, and all his life there will be no safety for him.

The perception of what is small is the secret of clear-sightedness; the guarding of what is soft and tender is the secret of strength.

Who uses well his light,
Reverting to its source so bright,
Will from his body ward all blight,
And hides the unchanging from men's sight.

Musonius Rufus, Lectures 3.6

Now as for courage, certainly it is to be expected that the educated woman will be more courageous than the uneducated, and one who has studied philosophy than one who has not; and she will not therefore submit to anything shameful because of fear of death or unwillingness to face hardship, and she will not be intimidated by anyone because he is of noble birth, or powerful, or wealthy, no, not even if he be the tyrant of her city.

For in fact she has schooled herself to be high-minded and to think of death not as an evil and life not as a good, and likewise not to shun hardship and never for a moment to seek ease and indolence.

So it is that such a woman is likely to be energetic, strong to endure pain, prepared to nourish her children at her own breast, and to serve her husband with her own hands, and willing to do things which some would consider no better than slaves' work.

I have sometimes heard people describe courage as a distinctly masculine virtue, though I wonder if these people understand either the true nature of courage, or the true nature of masculinity.

In such a case, both bravery and manhood are reduced merely to a sense of being stronger, tougher, or more aggressive than someone else. Certain sorts of men, of course, like to strut about, and show off, and intimidate others, and they insist that this is brave. To be fair, I see certain sorts of women behave this way as well. Is it still a virtue, however, if an animal could do it just as well as a man or a woman?

We are twice removed from the truth if we assume that courage is a matter of any sort of brutality, by way of any sort of confusion about manliness. Once again, consider the humanity first, and what is shared in common by all of humanity.

For the Ancients, courage was the commitment to doing what was right and good, in the face of danger, and most specifically in the face of death. It was not just the exercise of powerful emotion, of aggression in the face of fear, but the judgment of an informed conscience, where hardship was accepted as a means to character. The strength that was to be found in fortitude came from the mind, not merely from the gut.

Scowl and growl all you want, flex your muscles, and assume an imposing stance, and you are still no closer to courage. Look to the guidance of your moral compass, and get your priorities in order about what is greater and lesser in this life, and you will now find yourself on the path to being brave.

All people need this virtue to live well, both men and women, and it is only possible through first forming an understanding of what is good. It will seem ridiculous to the bully to say that true courage comes from the power of philosophy instead of the power of his fists, but this is only because he chooses not to reflect on who he is, and why he is here.

Musonius sees quite clearly how the brave woman will live out her life just as fully as the brave man. She would rather die before she surrenders to vice. She will bear pain in order to develop her moral worth. She will not be frightened or impressed by money and influence, because she knows that these are not the standards by which she should judge herself. She will bear whatever is necessary, even what other people may think is far beneath them, in order to show a respect for human dignity.

I have known many people who liked to draw attention to how brave they were, and how their boldness in taking risks was bringing them success in life. Yet I couldn’t help but ask, “What are you actually putting on the line? What is it going to bring you?”

“I’m standing up for myself, and taking what I want from people, so I can live my life the way I choose to live it! I’ll never get that by being weak!”

“You will fight to gain power over others, and insist on satisfying your desires?”

“Sure. That’s what life’s all about.”

Whenever I hear words like that, I am reminded why men and women so desperately need philosophy. It’s the only way we won’t confuse courage with conquest, or virtue with gratification. It is what helps us to see that anything is worth sacrificing for character, but character is never worth sacrificing for anything. That is the conviction of courage. 

Written in 4/1999

The Cardinal and Theological Virtues

Abraham Bosse, The Cardinal Virtues (Prudence, Fortitude, Temperance, Justice) and The Theological Virtues (Faith, Hope, Charity) (1636)

The Wisdom of Solomon 1:1-6

[1] Love righteousness, you rulers of the earth,
think of the Lord with uprightness,
and seek him with sincerity of heart;
[2] because he is found by those who do not put him to the test,
and manifests himself to those who do not distrust him.
[3] For perverse thoughts separate men from God,
and when his power is tested, it convicts the foolish;
[4] because wisdom will not enter a deceitful soul,
nor dwell in a body enslaved to sin.
[5] For a holy and disciplined spirit will flee from deceit,
and will rise and depart from foolish thoughts,
and will be ashamed at the approach of unrighteousness.
[6] For wisdom is a kindly spirit and
will not free a blasphemer from the guilt of his words;
because God is witness of his inmost feelings,
and a true observer of his heart, and a hearer of his tongue. 

IMAGE: Andreas Brugger, Solomon at His Throne (1777)

Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy 4.10

“Do you see then in what a slough crimes are involved, and with what glory honesty shines forth? It is plain from this that reward is never lacking to good deeds, nor punishment to crime.

“We may justly say that the reward of every act that is performed is the object for which it is performed. For instance, on the racecourse the crown for which the runner strives is his reward. But we have shown that happiness is the identical good for the sake of which all actions are performed.

“Therefore the absolute good is the reward put before all human actions. But good men cannot be deprived of this. And further, a man who lacks good cannot justly be described as a good man; wherefore we may say that good habits never miss their rewards. Let the wicked rage never so wildly, the wise man's crown shall never fail nor wither.

“And the wickedness of bad men can never take away from good men the glory that belongs to them. Whereas if a good man rejoiced in a glory that he received from outside, then could another, or even he, maybe, who granted it, carry it away. But since honesty grants to every good man its own rewards, he will only lack his reward when he ceases to be good.

“And lastly, since every reward is sought for the reason that it is held to be good, who shall say that the man, who possesses goodness, does not receive his reward? And what reward is this? Surely the fairest and greatest of all.”

—from Book 4, Prose 3

One of my most deeply ingrained bad habits, one that is so worked into my responses that I barely notice it, is what I can only call the expectation of further reward. I will consciously consider what the right thing to do is, the action that will respect both my own dignity and the dignity of others, and I will tell myself that I know good should be done simply because it is good. I feel certain, as Lady Philosophy says to me, that virtue is its own reward, and that vice is its own punishment.

I have, over the years, even managed to start enjoying a just or a kind deed, only from an awareness of its moral worth. It is a deeply fulfilling satisfaction when felt sincerely, free of pride or ostentation, and I should be able to find rest and peace in it.

And then, as if by some unspoken assumption, I find myself looking for more. Where is that recognition I deserve? How long until I get some praise to make me feel special? When will a wonderful new set of gratifying circumstances fall into my lap as a well-earned prize? I begin to make further demands of Providence, and by asking for such compensation I have already thrown away whatever decency may have been in my actions to begin with.

What I am so foolishly forgetting is that my merit is in what I do, not in what happens to me, and so my confusion goes to the very heart of how I think about my own human nature. The Consolation has been reminding me, time and time again, that happiness is itself the practice of virtue, precisely because it is the completion of my good, not that of anyone or anything else.

If someone else pats me on the back or throws money my way, does that really say anything about me, or add anything to who I am? Or if such things are withheld from me, am I any less than I was before? I have clearly not transformed my values as deeply as I would like to think, if I am still hoping to receive more than what is already completely mine.

It is certainly not an excuse, but I can only think of how long I have been hearing about fortune being some sort of reward for good character. Well, then I must redouble my efforts, and become all the more conscious of my motives.

If I am not content with my virtue as an end in itself, but make it a means for some end of fortune, then I will be quite ready to compromise my virtue for that higher goal. The good man will give up money for his integrity, but the wicked man will give up his integrity for money.

If I worry about losing my happiness, then I do not rightly understand its source and measure. I cannot lose it, any more than I can cease to be myself, because it is the sum of my own thoughts and deeds. Only I determine if I will keep it or throw it away.

If I become jealous of rich, and powerful, and popular folks, thinking that they have taken away something that I deserve, I need only remember that such things are not worthy of envy at all, since they are not human goods. If I look inside a man’s soul, whether rich or poor, I will see what truly matters.

I wonder, if I were running a race, what would be most important to me? Would it be the sparkling crown at the end, and the thunderous roar of the crowd, and the honor of having my name in all the record books?

Or might the reward of my own excellence be more than enough, of having raced at my absolute best, regardless of what trinkets I receive, or who notices it, or if it is ever a part of history?

I see more and more that the difference between these two attitudes reflects the difference between the miserable man and the happy man. 

Written in 11/2015

The Art of Peace 43

The purpose of training is to tighten up the slack, toughen the body, and polish the spirit. 

Sayings of Heraclitus 17

The many do not take heed of such things as those they meet with, nor do they mark them when they are taught, though they think they do. 

Seneca, On Peace of Mind 2.4

Let us now consider in a general way how it may be attained: then you may apply as much as you choose of the universal remedy to your own case. Meanwhile we must drag to light the entire disease, and then each one will recognize his own part of it.

At the same time you will understand how much less you suffer by your self-depreciation than those who are bound by some showy declaration that they have made, and are oppressed by some grand title of honor, so that shame rather than their own free will forces them to keep up the pretense.

We will all approach it in our own way, and we will all express it in our own manner, but peace of mind is that fundamental need we all share. Everything else in our lives will depend upon the order and balance within us, as much as we may be drawn away by the lure of things outside us. There is absolutely nothing in this world that can offer me happiness, if I have not first and foremost come to peace with myself.

Some of us struggle with achieving this goal more than others, for we all possess different dispositions, and we all face different circumstances. Some may have a discouraging day, and need a bit of friendly encouragement. Others may confront pain that seems unbearable, and will receive no comfort at all when they are simply told to tough it out. Still, whatever the degree of our separation from happiness, we will all find ourselves at different places along the very same path.

I may worry that I am failing, and I may be tempted to give up hope, yet I must remember that my awareness of my own weakness is itself a sign of progress. At the very least, I know that something is missing, and I know that there is something I must do.

This is far better than having lied to others, and having lied to myself, over and over, to the point where I actually come to believe my own lies. I convince myself that I am always doing it right. In making myself appear grand, I have forgotten that an appearance is never a substitute for the reality. Faking it is not making it.

If I insist how decent and thoughtful I am, and I bask in the praise of others, and I graciously receive all the rewards that are supposed to come with success, I have now trapped myself in my own vanity. How can I possibly escape without looking bad, which is what I have come to fear the most?

No, I should be glad to admit to my faults and my doubts, both to others and to myself. I am not yet a good man, but I would like more than anything to become one. For all of my struggles, I can still have the advantage of honest self-reflection; from this can follow realization, improvement, and growth. No good will come from only pretending I am a good man, while being terrified that the whole illusion will somehow collapse.

In my teaching, I often notice how students doing their best can become quite worried that they could be doing better, while those doing their worst can remain rather proud of their failures. Doubt is not necessarily a bad thing, and confidence is not necessarily a good thing. That line between only seeming and actually being will make all the difference. 

Written in 5/2011

Dhammapada 69

As long as the evil deed done does not bear fruit, the fool thinks it is like honey; but when it ripens, then the fool suffers grief. 

Musonius Rufus, Lectures 3.5

Well then, so much for self-control. As for justice, would not the woman who studies philosophy be just, would she not be a blameless life-partner, would she not be a sympathetic helpmate, would she not be an untiring defender of husband and children, and would she not be entirely free of greed and arrogance?

And who better than the woman trained in philosophy— and she certainly of necessity if she has really acquired philosophy —would be disposed to look upon doing a wrong as worse than suffering one (as much worse as it is the baser), and to regard being worsted as better than gaining an unjust advantage? Moreover, who better than she would love her children more than life itself? What woman would be more just than such a one?

Neither men nor women can be temperate without being guided by wisdom, and this will in turn be true of all the virtues. Philosophy, then, as the very means by which we can understand the true from the false and the right from the wrong, will be a foundation for the life well lived.

It is not to be reserved only for some, but it is made for everyone. It is not the privilege of the few, but it is the responsibility of the many. It is not just a luxury, but it is a necessity. Rich and poor, young and old, men and women are all called to philosophy, simply by being human.

Justice is as universal a virtue as temperance, and as the virtue that must inform all social relations, it will determine the very structure of the family and the community.

How should husbands and wives, parents and children, friends and neighbors, show the proper respect for one another? Scholars can write as many profound books about justice as they wish, though they will be of little use if none of us can actually practice any of it.

We often like to speak of justice in terms of getting what we believe is rightfully ours, as a defense of what is owed to us, but I am pleased to see how Musonius Rufus follows a slightly different path.

As he describes the woman who is just, he says that she is blameless, sympathetic, and a defender of her family. This becomes possible because she is neither greedy nor arrogant, because she does not first think of what she deserves from others, but of what others deserve from her. Justice grows out of the giving, not out of the receiving. Our job is to rule our own actions, not those of others.

And so I cannot help but think immediately of the women I have known in my own life who lived in precisely this way, firm and confident in their own character, regardless of all the posing and posturing of other people around them.

Like any of us, they were grateful to be appreciated and praised, but that was never why they did what they did. They did what they did because they loved others, and they found their own worth in the fullest expression of that love.

Better to suffer a wrong than to ever commit a wrong, better to bear unfairness from others than to ever be unfair oneself. Those who build their lives around a sense of entitlement will not understand this, even as the women who raised me understood it completely, and tried their best to instill those same values in me. Their example proved that they weren’t just mouthing fancy words.

I was still fairly young, but I do remember asking my grandmother once why women sometimes seemed so much stronger than men. “Motherhood will do that to you,” she laughed, “and there are quite a few men who could learn something from it.”

I can make more sense of her words now than I could back then. The toughness wasn’t some sort of exhibition of prowess, intended to impress or to prove some point, but it came from the sharp focus of dedication to the good of others, to the level where there was never any hesitation about sacrificing anything and everything else.

In this way, a woman’s justice can be an example of the most perfect justice, of complete and total self-giving for what is right. Just look at what she will do out of love for her child. We would have no humanity at all, and hence no philosophy at all, without it. 

Written in 4/1999

Epictetus, Golden Sayings 111

Others may fence themselves with walls and houses, when they do such deeds as these, and wrap themselves in darkness—yes, they have many a device to hide themselves. 

Another may shut his door and station one before his chamber to say, if any comes, “He has gone forth! he is not at leisure!”
 
But the true Cynic will have none of these things. Instead of them, he must wrap himself in Modesty, or else he will but bring himself to shame, naked and under the open sky. That is his house; that is his door; that is the slave that guards his chamber; that is his darkness!

IMAGE: Jules Bastien-Lepage, Diogène (1873)
 

Musonius Rufus, Lectures 3.4

But above all a woman must be chaste and self-controlled; she must, I mean, be pure in respect of unlawful love, exercise restraint in other pleasures, not be a slave to desire, not be contentious, not lavish in expense, nor extravagant in dress. Such are the works of a virtuous woman, and to them I would add yet these: to control her temper, not to be overcome by grief, and to be superior to uncontrolled emotion of every kind.

Now these are the things that the teachings of philosophy transmit, and the person who has learned them and practices them would seem to me to have become a well-ordered and seemly character, whether man or woman.

Back in our last year of high school, a fellow seemed quite keen to “set me up” with a girl he knew. I have no idea why he was so motivated in this task, or how he thought this could possibly be a successful match.

I did my best to be as polite as I could, but it was clear to me that no good could ever come from this. “I’m sure she’s very nice,” I said, “but we would hardly get along. She’s never given me the time of day, and she seems to have quite a few other boyfriends already.”

His eyes narrowed. “Don’t be so sexist! So you somehow think it’s okay for guys to sleep around all they want, but girls need to be all proper? That’s such a double standard!”

“No, you know that I don’t live that way, and so there’s no hypocrisy if I choose not to share my life with people who live that way.”

“Hey, you’d hardly have to share your life with her. You could just have a good time with her.”

“See? There is precisely where we will have to agree to disagree.”

Should a woman practice self-control in her passions? Yes, she will gladly do just that if she judges virtue as the greatest human good. And before all those accusing fingers get pointed, this would be just as true of a good man as of a good woman, or of any person who is of good character. It isn’t a feminine virtue or a masculine virtue—it is a human virtue.

There is, furthermore, no need to assume that temperance, or any of the virtues, is somehow restrictive or repressive. Quite the contrary, it can be something that is truly liberating, because it allowed us to rule ourselves, not to be ruled by our desires. If I look at other people only as objects of gratification, and not as subjects worthy of respect, I have already degraded them, and I have also degraded myself.

I know it seems like such a hopelessly outdated and romantic ideal, especially at a time when we so openly buy and sell sex, but I once took it deeply to heart when someone told me that chastity was never about self-denial, but about self-mastery. Nature made me to give with love, not merely to take with lust.

A passion without wisdom to guide it will always bring out the worst in us. I began to learn that the hard way, by bitter experience, only a few months after that attempted set-up. I suddenly found myself drawn to someone who was so very smart, charming, and sophisticated. I now had the chance to put my principles into real practice, but I ended up bending them so hard that I downright broke them. 

I discovered fairly quickly that she was also dishonest and disloyal, and that her conscience was the last place she looked for inspiration. But surely that would change, if only I stuck with her? I felt so loudly for her that it drowned out my thinking.

My friends frowned and shook their heads. “She will break your heart, just wait! How many more men in her bed will it take before you stop looking the other way? When will you have had enough of her laughing at you behind your back?”

It was too easy to eventually be angry with her, many years later, but that was attention entirely misdirected. She was going to be who she was going to be, but I could decide who I was going to be. Chaste, self-controlled, not a slave to desire? Let me master those virtues myself, instead of worrying about them so much in others. My intemperance, my feeling without thinking, was my problem, not hers. My own weakness, and no one else’s, was the cause of my downfall here.

By all means, I can choose to trust another for being good, but it will make no difference if I can’t first trust myself to be good.

Written in 4/1999

IMAGE: Luca Giordano, Temperance (c. 1686)

Aesop's Fables 11

The Lion and the Mouse

Once when a Lion was asleep a little Mouse began running up and down upon him; this soon wakened the Lion, who placed his huge paw upon him, and opened his big jaws to swallow him. 

"Pardon, O King," cried the little Mouse; "forgive me this time, I shall never forget it. Who knows but what I may be able to do you a turn some of these days?" The Lion was so tickled at the idea of the Mouse being able to help him, that he lifted up his paw and let him go. 

Some time after the Lion was caught in a trap, and the hunters, who desired to carry him alive to the King, tied him to a tree while they went in search of a wagon to carry him on. 

Just then the little Mouse happened to pass by, and seeing the sad plight in which the Lion was, went up to him and soon gnawed away the ropes that bound the King of the Beasts. "Was I not right?" said the little Mouse. 

Little friends may prove great friends.

 

Thomas a Kempis, The Imitation of Christ 3.3

How all the words of God are to be heard with humility, and how many consider them not

1. "My Son, hear My words, for My words are most sweet, surpassing all the knowledge of the philosophers and wise men of this world. My words are spirit, and they are life, and are not to be weighed by man's understanding. They are not to be drawn forth for vain approbation, but to be heard in silence, and to be received with all humility and with deep love."

2. And I said, "Blessed is the man whom You teach, O Lord, and instruct him in Your law, that You may give him rest in time of adversity, and that he not be desolate in the earth."

3. "I," says the Lord, "taught the prophets from the beginning, and even now I cease not to speak unto all; but many are deaf and hardened against My voice; many love to listen to the world rather than to God, they follow after the desires of the flesh more readily than after the good pleasure of God. The world promises things that are temporal and small, and it is served with great eagerness. I promise things that are great and eternal, and the hearts of mortals are slow to stir. Who serves and obeys Me in all things, with such carefulness as he serves the world and its rulers? 

"Be you ashamed, O Sidon, says the sea;

And if you reason seek, hear you me.

"For a little reward men make a long journey; for eternal life many will scarcely lift a foot once from the ground. Mean reward is sought after; for a single piece of money sometimes there is shameful striving; for a thing that is vain and for a trifling promise, men shrink not from toiling day and night.

4. "But, O shame! for an unchangeable good, for an inestimable reward, for the highest honor and for a glory that fades not away, it is irksome to them to toil even a little. Be you ashamed therefore, slothful and discontented servant, for they are found readier unto perdition than you unto life. They rejoice more heartily in vanity than you in the truth. Sometimes, indeed, they are disappointed of their hope, but my promise fails no man, nor sends away empty him who trusts in Me. What I have promised I will give; what I have said I will fulfill, if only a man remains faithful in My love unto the end. Therefore am I the rewarder of all good men, and a strong approver of all who are godly.

5. "Write My words in your heart and consider them diligently, for they shall be very needful to you in times of temptation. What you understand not when you read, you shall know in the time of your visitation. I am wont to visit My elect in twofold manner, even by temptation and by comfort, and I teach them two lessons day by day, the one in chiding their faults, the other in exhorting them to grow in grace. He who has My words and rejects them, has one who shall judge him at the last day."

A PRAYER FOR THE SPIRIT OF DEVOTION

6. O Lord my God, You are all my good, and who am I that I should dare to speak unto You? I am the very poorest of Your servants, an abject worm, much poorer and more despicable than I know or dare to say. Nevertheless remember, O Lord, that I am nothing, I have nothing, and can do nothing.You  only are good, just and holy; You can do all things, are over all things, fill all things, leaving empty only the sinner. Call to mind Your tender mercies, and fill my heart with Your grace, You who will not that Your work should return to You void.

7. How can I bear this miserable life unless Your mercy and grace strengthen me? Turn not away Your face from me, delay not Your visitation. Withdraw not Your comfort from me, lest my soul "gasps after You as a thirsty land." Lord, teach me to do Your will, teach me to walk humbly and uprightly before You, for You are my wisdom, who knows me in truth, and knew me before the world was made and before I was born into the world.

The Peace of Wild Things

—bsc