Struggling with Circumstances 8

. . . "How long then must we obey such orders? As long as it is profitable, and this means as long as I maintain that which is becoming and consistent. Further, some men are sour and of bad temper, and they say, 'I cannot sup with this man to be obliged to hear him telling daily how he fought in Mysia: 'I told you, brother, how I ascended the hill: then I began to be besieged again.'

"But another says, 'I prefer to get my supper and to hear him talk as much as he likes.' And do you compare these estimates: only do nothing in a depressed mood, nor as one afflicted, nor as thinking that you are in misery, for no man compels you to that.

"Has it smoked in the chamber? If the smoke is moderate, I will stay; if it is excessive, I go out: for you must always remember this and hold it fast, that the door is open.

"Well, but you say to me, 'Do not live in Nicopolis.' I will not live there. 'Nor in Athens.' I will not live in Athens. 'Nor in Rome.' I will not live in Rome. 'Live in Gyarus.' I will live in Gyarus, but it seems like a great smoke to live in Gyarus; and I depart to the place where no man will hinder me from living, for that dwelling-place is open to all; and as to the last garment, that is the poor body, no one has any power over me beyond this.

"This was the reason why Demetrius said to Nero, 'You threaten me with death, but nature threatens you.' If I set my admiration on the poor body, I have given myself up to be a slave: if on my little possessions, I also make myself a slave: for I immediately make it plain with what I may be caught; as if the snake draws in his head, I tell you to strike that part of him which he guards; and do you be assured that whatever part you choose to guard, that part your master will attack. Remembering this, whom will you still flatter or fear?" . . .

Epictetus, Discourses 1.25 (tr Long)

One learns with time, I think, that the merit of our actions is not merely in what we do, but the judgment and attitude with which we we act. I think of the countless times I have thought myself driven near to exasperation or rage when I have seen arrogance, hypocrisy, greed, or betrayal. And I must only remind myself that I can turn that figurative switch in my own thinking. This is, I might say, not a harm to my soul, but to that of the offender. Now what can I do to make right of this wrong?

Whether it be a mere annoyance or a direct threat, I can, at the very least, practice a simple exercise. I can observe misdeeds, and make note of them, so I might know exactly how not to live myself. That is indeed profitable.

It is even more profitable to use any occasion as an opportunity for making something right, in however small a way. I recently observed an unpopular colleague being gossiped about by other faculty at the other end of the room. It was of the usual sort, laughing openly behind their hands.

So I made a simple effort to just walk to her desk, and speak to her for a few minutes with respect and kindness. This, of course, caused even more daggers to be hurled at us from across the room, but I practiced something I hoped would be helpful for me, for her, and bring cheer to a gloomy situation. Perhaps it could even be an opportunity for the offenders to reconsider their attitudes.

I may find the good in anything and everything, if I simply look and estimate rightly, and I need only recall that I am the one who chooses the measure of my judgment. I am the one who will say yes or no to something, and this is not determined by another.

I have noticed many people who, when confronted with ignorance or injustice, will simply say, "well that's the way the world works. You have to be practical, you know, and you pretty much have to play along."  Now others may indeed work in such a way, but I do not have to. If I value justice and compassion, then it is only up to me if I choose to act in this way. I imagine the only reason I may feel restrained by custom and habit is if I, in fact, still do care more about my body, my possessions, or my influence.

I adore those words by Seneca's friend, Demetrius the Cynic. What are you going to take from me in body, while you do terrible harm to your own soul? There we have the spirit of Socrates, of Diogenes, of all the Stoics, and of the whole tradition of philosophical wisdom.

Written in 7/2005

Image: Dorothea Lange, Migrant Mother (1936)