Struggling with Circumstances 4

. . . "'But a certain person will not leave to me the succession to his estate!'

"What then? had I forgotten that not one of these things was mine? How then do we call them mine, just as we call the bed in the inn? If, then, the innkeeper at his death leaves you the beds, all is well: but if he leaves them to another, he will have them, and you will seek another bed. If then you shall not find one, you will sleep on the ground: only sleep with a good will and snore, and remember that tragedies have their place among the rich and kings and tyrants, but no poor man fills a part in the tragedy, except as one of the chorus.

"Kings indeed commence with prosperity: 'ornament the palaces with garlands,' then about the third or fourth act they call out, 'O Cithaeron, why did you receive me?'

Slave, where are the crowns, where the diadem? The guards help you not at all. When then you approach any of these persons, remember this that you are approaching a tragedian, not the actor but Oedipus himself.

"But you say, 'Such a man is happy; for he walks about with many,' and I also place myself with the many and walk about with many. In sum remember this: the door is open; be not more timid than little children, but as they say, when the thing does not please them, 'I will play no longer,' so do you, when things seem to you of such a kind, say I will no longer play, and begone: but if you stay, do not complain."

Epictetus, Discourses 1.24 (tr Long)

I am saddened by the number of times I have seen families, rich, poor, and anywhere in between, destroying themselves over inheritance. I attended a funeral for an older man I had befriended through work, and I was one of only a half dozen people there. None of his children, or their families, attended, because they were all in dispute over some property he owned. They had only visited him a handful of times during his extended hospice care to ask him to sign legal papers.

I hardly know if I helped that man in any way while he was still alive, but I made a point of going to see him weekly, so that he might see that not all people wanted only power and possessions, and not all people are ready to dispose of others. His family hardly seemed like malicious people, but they simply could not see beyond that inheritance. My understanding is that, a few years later, the brothers and sisters ignore one another around town, a behavior I have found typical of people who have put a balance sheet in place of their hearts.

How much happier I can be when I expect to own nothing but myself, and I expect no inheritance from anyone. As Epictetus says, all the terrible tragedies are self-imposed, for we want things that are not ours, and tie ourselves up in knots with their pursuit.

If I choose to play the game as other play it, I will find myself quickly pulled under. A small compromise here, an injustice overlooked there, and before I know it I have sold what I truly value, wisdom, character, love, and friendship, for the sake of kingdoms and crowns.

Or, as Epictetus says, I can choose not to play. I can take my toys, go home, and play with my real friends. But I cannot be angry when I stick around and reap exactly what I myself have sowed.

I need to be very careful when I think that grasping people are happy people. I imagine most every Greek tragedy was written to show how they are, in the end, the most miserable people. Was Oedipus happy, when he still lived in power, pride, and ignorance? I can still walk about with many, but I need not try to make them my puppets, or to make them heed me. I can simply be myself, and not worry about the rat race. 

Written in 7/2005

Image: Dorothea Lange, Migrant Mother (1936)