"How much more fitting to persevere in bestowing benefits! For if a man stops giving them because they were not returned, his purpose in giving them was to have them returned, and he supplies a just excuse to the ingrate, whose disgrace lies in not making a return.
"How many are unworthy of seeing the light! Yet the day dawns. How many complain because they have been born! Yet Nature begets new progeny, and even those who would rather not have been, she suffers to be. To seek, not the fruit of benefits, but the mere doing of them, and to search for a good man even after the discovery of bad men--this is the mark of a soul that is truly great and good. What glory would there be in doing good to many if none ever deceived you? But as it is, it is a virtue to give benefits that have no surety of being returned, whose fruit is at once enjoyed by the noble mind.
--Seneca the Younger, On Benefits 1 (tr Basore)
The Stoic understands the giving of a gift as an end in itself, an act that provides a benefit to another simply for its own sake. The joy is in the giving, with nothing more expected in return. This idea may be simple enough, yet we seem to fail in putting it into practice time and time again. We do this only because we look for rewards outside ourselves and not simply within the dignity of our own will and action.
A lawyer I knew once told me that he did his pro bono work to maintain his standing and reputation in his profession. He could simply not understand my question about how it could be work without payment if he did it in order to receive a benefit in return. He finally sighed and said "well, be serious, no one does anything if they don't get anything back for it. That would be pretty stupid!" He was also a fellow who wondered why his profession was so often maligned.
At another time I had the unenviable task of attending a fundraising dinner. My distress came not merely from the fact that I am an introvert who dislikes public display, but from bearing the cringe worthy self-service of important people patting themselves on the back. One after another, wealthy donors went on the stage, giving variations of the same speech. They reminded us that they felt privileged and humbled to be of service, that it wasn't about the recognition, and that they only wished they could do more. They were then applauded by the crowd, given plaques and certificates, and had their pictures taken with other important people. The photographs then appeared in the next day's newspaper and were plastered across websites, and the plaques were placed nonchalantly on their office desks. One fine fellow even had a new building named after him that night. I felt certain that they had all made a cost benefit analysis, and were happy with their exchange of cash for honor.
There's a good reason the Gospels ask us to give in secret, because it's not about the recognition or the expectation of any further return. The gift benefits the recipient, and the giving benefits my virtue. Nothing more is needed. Anything else would not be a gift, but a transaction. This only makes sense if, like the Stoic, we understand wherein true excellence and happiness lie.
Sometimes a favor isn't really a favor. Though we use the phrase without really thinking about it, I have to laugh inside whenever I hear "you owe me a favor." If I owe it, it isn't a favor, it's a debt.
One way to recognize the man with a Stoic spirit is if he gives of himself freely when no one is looking. He will continue to do so without any external reward, because he knows that his happiness isn't from the things outside of him.
Written on 12/21/2005
Image: Three Magi Bearing Gifts, Basilica of Sant'Apollinaire, Ravenna (c. 565)
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