On Exile 1

"Hearing an exile lament because he was living in banishment, Musonius consoled him in somewhat the following way.

"Why, he asked, should anyone who was not devoid of understanding be oppressed by exile? It does not in any way deprive us of water, earth, air, or the sun and the other planets, or indeed, even of the society of men, for everywhere and in every way there is opportunity for association with them.

"What if we are kept from a certain part of the earth and from association with certain men, what is so dreadful about that?

"Why, when we were at home, we did not enjoy the whole earth, nor did we have contact with all men; but even now in exile we may associate with our friends, that is to say the true ones and those deserving of the name, for they would never betray or abandon us; but if some prove to be sham and not true friends, we are better off separated from them than being with them." . . .

--Musonius Rufus, Fragment 9 (tr Lutz)

We no longer practice the formal punishment of exile, as the Ancients did. I sometimes speculate whether we're missing something useful from the past. In one of my few clever moments, I suggested that if someone misbehaves at a party, you would surely ask him to leave, before locking him in the basement, or killing him.

In the last year, I've learned to deal with my own informal exile. I spent almost two decades growing up in a neighborhood outside of Boston. It took me another decade to recognize that I was harming myself, and the people I loved, by ever coming back. Some things had changed over which I had no power.

Upon re-reading this passage of Musonius recently, I recognized how my own thoughts and feelings reflected the situation he described. I have felt sadness, anger, and hopelessness. I felt I had a right to be in my old home, and I resented the people I thought had driven me from it.

Stoicism, however, has taught me to worry more for my own actions than about the actions of others. Nothing good will come from my whining and moping. Nothing will drive me away from what is good, unless I allow it to do so. What Musonius has to say applies just as much to those of us exiled now, for one reason or another, as it does to those exiled by law in the times of Greece and Rome.

Does being in one place or another change who I am? Does it deny me the needs of living? Does it still allow me to practice the virtues of wisdom, temperance, fortitude, and justice? If I can still do these things, what reason do I have to be miserable?

But surely I have lost my friends, those dearest to me? No, because a real friend will remain a dear friend, regardless of circumstance. The love and support we can offer one another will not alter because of time, distance, or situation. One of my only true friends is someone I have not seen for over thirty years, but we continue to care for one another. I have family in Austria I have not seen in almost as long, but we love one another without condition.

No, those friends that leave you because you are far away from them, or because you are no longer useful or convenient to them as soon as the wind changes, those people were never your friends.

Your exile has not taken your friends, because a friend cannot be taken, but has simply taught you how little you meant to them. Exile has done you a favor. 

Written in 8/2013

Image: Domenico Peterlini, Dante in Exile (c. 1860)