Living in the best way 8

. . . "Seventh, that it is not men's acts which disturb us, for those acts have their foundation in men's ruling principles, but it is our own opinions which disturb us.

"Take away these opinions then, and resolve to dismiss you judgement about an act as if it were something grievous, and your  anger is gone.

"How then shall I take away these opinions? By reflecting that no wrongful act of another brings shame on you: for unless that which is shameful is alone bad, you also must of necessity do many things wrong, and become a robber and everything else." . . .

--Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 11 (tr Long)

 With the seventh principle, we arrive at the real heart of the Stoic matter. I can't blame others for my problems. They may be wrong in their actions, but the only measure of my own happiness is if I am right in my actions.

I always begin with a simple example. A man looks at me the wrong way, snubs me, insults me, or cheats me. I then feel that I have been wronged, and I fret about this injustice. But what if I were to not allow myself to be affected by his action? I am the one who will decide how much it matters.

Surely it matters quit a bit if he steals my property, or my reputation, or my livelihood? No, because none of those things need to matter to me, unless I choose to let them do so. If I define my value as a person by such externals, I will indeed be miserable. But if I define my value as a person by my own actions, these things need not concern me.

Not only will such things not harm me at all, but they will also give me the opportunity to act with character myself. The offender loses, because he destroys himself; the victim can actually triumph, because he turns an evil into a good.

Everything simply depends upon how I estimate a situation. I can always be successful, because I can always choose to find the good in anything and everything that happens to me. Only my judgment determines this.

Even if I up the ante to far more serious situations, when a man threatens my very life, the same rule applies, not with any less force, but all the more. The stakes are higher, and the reward of choosing rightly is therefore simply greater.

Maximilan Kolbe gave his life, freely and without complaint, during the horrors of war, simply so that he could act with love for others. He did not complain about the injustice of his state, though he clearly recognized it. He did not cast blame, because he recognized himself in others. He did not consider his circumstances unfair, because he knew that he could produce joy even in the midst of the greatest of misery.

I always remember his words: "A single act of love makes the soul return to life."

He understood that his own happiness had nothing to do with what people did to him. He knew it depended on what he did in the face of evil.

The only war that matters is the one within my own soul. I won't win it by giving hatred for hatred, violence for violence, or injustice for injustice. I will only win when I offer love whenever I am confronted by hatred, violence, or injustice.

Written in 11/2002