Living in the best way 12

. . . "But if you will, receive also a tenth present from the leader of the Muses, Apollo, and it is this: that to expect bad men not to do wrong is madness, for he who expects this desires an impossibility. But to allow men to behave so to others, and to expect them not to do you any wrong, is irrational and tyrannical."

--Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 11 (tr Long)

I at first found it odd that Marcus Aurelius saved this not only as his last principle, but marks it as an even greater gift than the first nine, granted not simply by the Muses, but by their master, Apollo.  Wouldn't there be a more profound pinnacle to Stoic living, such as the recognition that no one harms us but ourselves, or that we should try to understand that all men seek the good, or that the false things we grasp for are fleeting and insignificant?

Consider, however, that this tenth principle brings together all the previous ones, not simply on a theoretical basis, but in a very practical way. Can it not be said that the greatest obstacle to inner peace is expecting what is unreasonable, and what could be more unreasonable than thinking that the world should go my way?

Most all of us have heard the old saying that 'life isn't fair', and for those of us with high ideals this rubs us the wrong way. But the simple fact, perhaps the most difficult one to face, is that the world is not fair, at least not in the way that I would wish it to be.

If by fairness, I mean that no one will act poorly toward me, and that I can always expect to be treated with justice, that is deeply foolish. It is also deeply arrogant to assume that the circumstances of the world will conform to me.

If by fairness, however, I mean that even an injustice done to me can be transformed into what is right by my own judgment and action, and can therefore still be brought into harmony with Nature, then there is still the most important fairness. My life can not be fair in what happens to me, though it can be fair in what I do.

That is a hard lesson, deeply humbling, and I wonder if Marcus Aurelius elevates it to the last of his principles precisely because of our great difficulty in accepting this down-to-earth reality.

People have wronged us, and will continue to do so. That is not an indication for despair, but a call to character. I can see why it is reserved as Apollo's gift.

It is so easy to become a pessimist if I wish to accept human weakness for what it is, yet still being able to find the good in all the obstacles is a very part of the whole enterprise.

I sense we are in a time where many of us are all the more easily offended, and therefore we are the sort of people who expect the world to treat us fairly. We are also very ready to offend others in return, and therefore make ourselves exempt from the very behavior we expect of others.

As the years have passed, I have seen more and more how the ability to practice this tenth principle is a hallmark of the true Stoic, and never of the angry or hypocritical man. The difficulties we face in both thinking and using this rule are an indication of its deepest significance.


Written in 11/2002