Observe your own mind.

"Through not observing what is in the mind of another, a man has seldom been seen to be unhappy; but those who do not observe the movements of their own minds must of necessity be unhappy"

--Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 2 (tr Long)

The lesson is simple, it is brief, and it is also one of the most difficult things we need to do. I should worry less about the thinking of others, and worry more about my own thinking.

Blaise Pascal once observed that we seem constantly drawn to a concern with the things outside of us, while at the same time leaving and neglecting everything that is within us. He called this 'diversion', because we feel comforted by being distracted from what know, from what we truly know, that we really need. We desire the distraction because our own uneasiness is painful to us.

We need to put our own house in order, but it seems easier to worry about someone else's house. Being critical of the state of my soul can be deeply uncomfortable. Being critical of someone else's soul is easy and immediately gratifying. The blame goes outward, and never inward.

Now how often have I said that my unhappiness is because of the way someone else was thinking or acting, and how much time and effort have I wasted in fretting and fussing over that state of affairs? Notice the bitter irony. I have only made myself all riled up and miserable precisely because I blame my misery on other people.

Now how often have I chosen the right path, and recognized that my unhappiness stems from nothing more than my own estimation? Respect another person, value what he may think or feel, shown him the dignity he deserves, but never make another person's estimation the measure of bliss.

I regularly struggle, and often fail, to keep myself from the diversion of obsessing with the minds of others. But I can always take a deep breath, pass over the choices and actions of others, and concern myself with improving my own choices and actions. I need only take responsibility for my own emptiness.

Written 7/1995