. . . “For why does Fortune with her
fickle hand
deal out such changing lots?
The hurtful penalty is due to crime,
but falls upon the sinless head.
Depraved men rest at ease on thrones
aloft,
and by their unjust lot can spurn
beneath their hurtful heel
the necks of virtuous men.
Beneath obscuring shadows lies bright
virtue hid;
the just man bears the unjust's infamy.
They suffer not for forsworn oaths,
they suffer not for crimes glazed over
with their lies.
But when their will is to put forth
their strength,
with triumph they subdue the mightiest kings
whom peoples in their thousands fear.
O You, who weaves the bonds of Nature's
self,
look down upon this pitiable Earth!
Mankind is no base part of this great
work,
and we are tossed on Fortune's wave.
Restrain, our Guardian, the engulfing
surge,
and as You who unbounded heaven rule,
with a like bond make true and firm
these lands”.
—from
Book 1, Poem 5
We may
think that God rules the entire Universe through His absolute power, but we
also find that blind Fortune seems to determine so much of our lives. How are
we to discover any agreement between the existence of a mighty Creator, who
gives order to all things, and the fact that so many of those things appear to
be quite disordered?
I have
sometimes pondered this problem in terms of trying to harmonize the big picture
with the small picture. “Up there”, in the great cosmic plan of things,
everything has it place, but “down here”, in the daily grind of trying to make
it through, I may not understand how that Divine blueprint could possibly be playing
itself out. It’s as if all the order conceived within God’s mind doesn’t seem
to seep or trickle down to my level.
Evil
people commit the crimes, and the good people suffer the punishment. Tyrants
hold their sway over helpless victims. Virtue is somehow overwhelmed by vice,
and justice is trampled by injustice. Promises are broken, and lies are the
order of the day. Who bears the burden? Precisely those who try to be loyal and
honest.
How
often do we indeed see the most brutal and hateful of monsters with the power
to roll over everything in their path? It can be the dictator, the demagogue,
the player, or the man without a conscience, but you will find him in too many
places, big or small, from the bully who owns you where you work, to the ruler
of a nation who will crush you without a second thought. Where is God’s power
in all of this?
As much
as I may try to find the good in everything, I see so much more bad than good.
What am I missing?
Perhaps
God is not powerful enough to stop it, or He isn’t good enough to care, or He
doesn’t know enough to notice. Yet as soon as I assume any of those things, I’m
not talking about God at all. Perfection, that which has no limit, surely cannot
admit of weakness, or evil, or ignorance.
Boethius
asks God to give us some respite. Please stop throwing us into a stormy ocean, and offer us a safe harbor. The crushing waves are too much to bear. Be the
protector of righteousness we need You to be.
This is
the sort of thinking that always gets me into trouble, but in my darkest and
most stubborn moments I will wonder why I should even need to ask for God to
provide comfort from suffering. If He made me, he knows what I need. Why is He
withholding it, and why must I beg? Don’t we all deserve to live the way He made
us to live?
Most of
the pieces to Boethius’ dilemma are now in place. It is the same stubborn
problem that all honest, sincere, and conscientious people must face.
There's that desperate feeling that one can't stay afloat much longer.
At one
of the lowest times in my life, when thoughts like these were so common, I
remember hearing a song on the radio called “Flood”, by the band Jars of Clay. I
immediately recognized the urgency behind it, and it reminded me of the Consolation right away:
Lift
me up—when I'm falling.
Lift
me up—I'm weak and I'm dying.
Lift
me up—I need you to hold me.
Lift
me up—and keep me from drowning again.
Written in 6/2015
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