Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 3.5

Labor not unwillingly, nor without regard to the common interest, nor without due consideration, nor with distraction; nor let studied ornament set off your thoughts, and be not either a man of many words, or busy about too many things.

And further, let the deity which is in you be the guardian of a living being, manly and of ripe age, and engaged in matter political, and a Roman, and a ruler, who has taken his post like a man waiting for the signal which summons him from life, and ready to go, having need neither of oath nor of any man's testimony.

Be cheerful also, and seek neither external help nor the tranquility that others give. A man then must stand upright, not be kept upright by others.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 3 (tr Long)

I have often had a tendency to take something I perceive to be good, but then foolishly pursue it to excess, so this advice from Marcus Aurelius on seeking directed and balanced purpose is very welcome in helping me to steer the proper course.

To stand upright for myself is to discover meaning and happiness in my own thoughts and deeds, and not as dependent upon my circumstances. My own character is never defined by what others will think, say, or do to me, but what I will think, say, or do myself.

I have sometimes misinterpreted this, and I have falsely assumed this must mean distancing myself from others, living in as solitary a way as I can, and being wary of any support or assistance that may be offered. This sort of misguided toughness has led me to confuse standing for myself and standing by myself, to think that self-reliance assumes isolation.

I forget too easily that I do not live in a vacuum. My own virtue will never flourish if I hide all those nice principles away in a box, and it will only be properly lived when I can engage with the world around me, when I can give of myself, and when I can work together with others. Cooperation is not the surrender of self-rule, but a means by which we can all assist each other to be our own masters.

I have also slipped into an opposite extreme, and though fired by a commitment to be of service, I find I have unwittingly made my own value contingent upon appreciation. I may know full well that I should do something because it is right, not because it is convenient, and that a person thrives through giving instead of receiving. Somehow my wires are still crossed, however, and I still come to expect some sort of external reward for my efforts. If this does not happen, as will so often be the case, I become frustrated and resentful, and I can slide right back into isolation.

Despite occasional outbursts of Irish temper, I tend to be a shy and sensitive soul. I always feel anxious in reaching out, and I feel deeply hurt when I am rejected. The only way I can keep myself on the right path is to constantly remember, in the most ordinary of daily tasks, that my good is in what I do, and not in what is done to me. I can then find that balance, where I should never run from others, while others should never run me.

Written in 10/2004