Struggling with Circumstances 2

. . . "Diogenes, who was sent as a scout before you, made a different report to us. He says that death is no evil, for neither is it base. He says that fame is the noise of madmen.

"And what has this spy said about pain, about pleasure, and about poverty? He says that to be naked is better than any purple robe, and to sleep on the bare ground is the softest bed, and he gives as a proof of each thing that he affirms his own courage, his tranquillity his freedom, and the healthy appearance and compactness of his body.

" 'There is no enemy' he says, 'all is peace.'

"How so, Diogenes? 'See,' he replies, 'if I am struck, if I have been wounded, if I have fled from any man.'

"This is what a scout ought to be. But you come to us and tell us one thing after another. Will you not go back, and you will see clearer when you have laid aside fear?" . . .

Epictetus, Discourses 1.24 (tr Long) 

We only fear about the things that we are desperately afraid of losing. Tell me right now what you really love, and I will tell you right now what it is that you fear.

If you wish wealth, power, success, or esteem, you will do anything and everything to acquire these things. Those loves define most all of the people I knew as a young man.

In return, your greatest fear will be all about losing those things you love so much.

Last year, I ran into a college friend. I use the term 'friend' lightly, since we were really just acquaintances. Yet he was very worried about something, and drew me aside in private to discuss what was on his mind.

"Do you remember that time I cheated on my girlfriend?"

I remembered not just one time, but a number of times. It turned out that girlfriend was now his wife.

"Yes," I replied, "but I hoped that was done and over with between both of you, and that you fixed it."

"No. She never knew. And she can never know. You won't tell her, will you?"

I assured him I would never tell her, unless she asked me directly.

He became very angry. I didn't know all the specifics, but it seemed there was trouble brewing in that perfect upper class home. He was worried that a precedent of infidelity would hurt him in a divorce settlement.

Well, there you have it. If he had been like Diogenes, he would have worried more about his loyalty and integrity than about his property.  He would never have worried about his professional reputation, because fame is the noise of madmen.

If I desire none of the things that the world tells me I must desire, I will never fear their loss. I will have no enemies, as long as I am not struggling for the things that they struggle for. I give you your pleasures, you fame, your money, your influence, and I ask nothing from you.

All is peace, because I need not fight for everything that you may think is important.

I am now an older man, and I hope I am somewhat wiser. Your job, your home, your friends, your car, and your vacations do not impress me. I need not fear losing any of those things, because I do not care for them.

I do not care when you take such things from me. Because they are not me.

Written in 7/2005

Image: Dorothea Lange, Migrant Mother (1936)