When I give myself to my friends, I do not withdraw from my own company, nor do I linger with those who are associated with me through some special occasion or some case which arises from my official position. But I spend my time in the company of all the best; no matter in what lands they may have lived, or in what age, I let my thoughts fly to them.
Demetrius, for instance, the best of men, I take about with me, and, leaving the wearers of purple and fine linen, I talk with him, half-naked as he is, and hold him in high esteem. Why should I not hold him in high esteem? I have found that he lacks nothing.
It is in the power of any man to despise all things, but of no man to possess all things. The shortest cut to riches is to despise riches. Our friend Demetrius, however, lives not merely as if he has learned to despise all things, but as if he has handed them over for others to possess. Farewell.
—from Seneca, Moral Letters 62
Just as the overachievers can’t be bothered with the burden of reflection, so the social butterflies ironically end up becoming too busy to form any genuine friendships. The man interested in pursuing integrity, instead of putting on airs, will quickly learn how the player sadly ends up losing a hold of himself in a misguided quest to increase his clout.
If I complain that my profession is keeping me from mindfulness, or that my hectic calendar is infringing upon my serenity, I am already revealing my distorted sense of values. There is no more important work than the work of nurturing the virtues, and there can be no such thing as a friend who does not help me to become a better version of myself. Otherwise, I have taken the wrong job, and I have chosen the wrong company.
If I am honest with myself, I know that the pursuit of any one true good can never be at the expense of any other true good. Business cannot be at the expense of character, and popularity can never be at the expense of commitment. The seeming opposition will disappear when I finally focus on the proper human goals.
Seneca mentions Demeterius the Cynic a number of times in his letters to Lucilius, and any of us would be blessed to have such an example in our lives. The right sorts of people constantly remind me how merit is within the soul, not in the trappings of the flesh, and why the best companions are those who do not ask us to compromise our loyalties. Take the grubby wise man over the immaculately adorned courtier on any day!
My old habits could make it difficult for me to want to “despise” riches, and yet Demetrius perhaps offered the best way to think about worldly gains, which is to take it even a step further by being happy to pass them on to others, to those who may still believe they want such trinkets. Make a gift of them, and then by sharing of yourself you have made yourself more complete.
It might take some time to get used to the new formula, but the Stoic understands why freely and gladly having less can be a route to becoming more. The best friends, and the best life, will make no demands of us, and will be content for us to merely be ourselves.
Just as the overachievers can’t be bothered with the burden of reflection, so the social butterflies ironically end up becoming too busy to form any genuine friendships. The man interested in pursuing integrity, instead of putting on airs, will quickly learn how the player sadly ends up losing a hold of himself in a misguided quest to increase his clout.
If I complain that my profession is keeping me from mindfulness, or that my hectic calendar is infringing upon my serenity, I am already revealing my distorted sense of values. There is no more important work than the work of nurturing the virtues, and there can be no such thing as a friend who does not help me to become a better version of myself. Otherwise, I have taken the wrong job, and I have chosen the wrong company.
If I am honest with myself, I know that the pursuit of any one true good can never be at the expense of any other true good. Business cannot be at the expense of character, and popularity can never be at the expense of commitment. The seeming opposition will disappear when I finally focus on the proper human goals.
Seneca mentions Demeterius the Cynic a number of times in his letters to Lucilius, and any of us would be blessed to have such an example in our lives. The right sorts of people constantly remind me how merit is within the soul, not in the trappings of the flesh, and why the best companions are those who do not ask us to compromise our loyalties. Take the grubby wise man over the immaculately adorned courtier on any day!
My old habits could make it difficult for me to want to “despise” riches, and yet Demetrius perhaps offered the best way to think about worldly gains, which is to take it even a step further by being happy to pass them on to others, to those who may still believe they want such trinkets. Make a gift of them, and then by sharing of yourself you have made yourself more complete.
It might take some time to get used to the new formula, but the Stoic understands why freely and gladly having less can be a route to becoming more. The best friends, and the best life, will make no demands of us, and will be content for us to merely be ourselves.
—Reflection written in 6/2013
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