Epictetus, Discourses 2.1.9

Show that you know this only, how not to fail and how not to fall.
 
Let others practice lawsuits, logical puzzles and syllogisms. Let your study be how to suffer death, bondage, the rack, exile: let all this be done with confidence and trust in Him who has called you to face them, and judged you worthy of this place you hold, wherein at your appointed post you shall show what is the power of reason, the Governing Principle, when arrayed against forces which are outside the will. 
 
And, if you do this, that paradox will no longer seem impossible or paradoxical—that we must show caution and confidence at the same time, confidence in regard to things beyond the will, caution in things which depend on the will. 

—from Epictetus, Discourses 2.1 

 
When most of my peers speak of success, they are describing some ideal state of achievement, somewhere “out there” just over the horizon. They may have already assembled little bits of it, yet they commit everything to gaining more. Their greatest worry is that they won’t win the grand prize, seeing as how the odds are stacked against them, and still they have defined their happiness or misery by precariously arranging a particular state of affairs. 
 
So when a Stoic tells them that gains and losses have nothing to do with circumstances, and everything to do with a certain attitude, they are understandably confused. They are even more perplexed by the suggestion that events can never go wrong—only our thinking goes wrong. Failure is not about losing the toss; failure is about choosing not to be at peace with any toss whatsoever. 
 
Those obsessed with getting their ducks in a row will fret and fume, while those content with geese or pigeons, however they may be placed, can be at peace. True happiness is ours to make, and ours to keep. Clever scheming is no substitute for virtuous living. 
 
I know that Providence has placed everything precisely where it is supposed to be, so the way it plays itself out is a part of the plan. But even if I am uncertain of the bigger picture, I can rest assured that my own judgments remain my own, as the essential expression of my human nature. A creature of reason is perfected by its own acts, not by the acts of another. 
 
This is why the Stoic appears so confident about his situation, and simultaneously so scrupulous about his conscience. Put simply, he knows where he’s at, working on what is within his power as he coolly recognizes what is beyond his power. 
 
“You just lost your life savings! Why aren’t you upset?”
 
Though I do feel the pain, I know it isn’t what will make or break me. 
 
“Look, everyone else is on board with this. Why do you have to be so difficult?” 
 
You will do what you must do, and I will do what I must do. 
 
This is also why the Stoic seems so annoying to the agitated man. The former embraces a harmony where the latter finds merely conflict. 

—Reflection written in 5/2001