Of course if you are going to live among men as if they were flies, what is to prevent you? But Epicurus, as though he did not know what natural affection is, says “Let us not bring up children.”
If a sheep does not abandon its offspring, nor a wolf, does a man abandon his? What would you have us do? Would you have us foolish as sheep? Even they do not abandon their young. Would you have us savage as wolves? Even they do not abandon theirs.
No, who takes your advice when he sees his child fallen on the ground and crying? Why, I think that if your father and mother had foreseen that you were going to talk thus, even then they would not have cast you away from them.
—from Epictetus, Discourses 1.23
I have seen more than enough of the way posers and scoundrels are drawn to positions of authority, and so I am sympathetic to those who are wary of getting involved in anything political. If you tell me you are running for Congress, or even if you throw in your hat to be promoted to academic dean, I can’t help but wonder if you are one the very many who has been tricked down the road of wickedness.
Still, it is also possible that you are one the very few who possesses incredible courage, and I think it important to remember that the Stoic does not reject any path of life simply on the grounds that it will be unpleasant or unnerving. If I can manage to do right by it, it can always be a correct path to choose.
I look to Seneca, who regularly bemoaned the frustrations of politics, and yet he still devoted his entire life to public service. You tell me he failed because he couldn’t fix Nero’s vices? Only Nero could have fixed himself, while Seneca succeeded on account of his own integrity, regardless of how others treated him.
I once complained to my uncle about how I disliked the smell of a cow pasture. “It’s your nose that’s the problem,” he said, “not the shit.”
So it is with most anything I must face, since my attitude cannot be reduced to the circumstances. I should never treat a man as if he were simply a fly, though I am well advised to consider his annoyances as if they were no more than those of a fly.
Feelings can only lead to meaning and purpose when they are rightly understood, and I suspect this is one of the critical points regarding the contrast between Epicureanism and Stoicism. If I avoid politics only from an aversion to jarring my emotions, that is hardly a decent excuse.
I commit a far greater sin by following the same model when it comes to my family. As soon as I separate my satisfaction from an awareness of my natural responsibilities, I have sacrificed my very humanity for an illusion of serenity.
The urge to raise children is not in conflict with the happy life, but rather a very expression of a happy life. Not all will necessarily find themselves in the setting to do so, and yet none should think that it is an obstacle to joy.
There is a perfectly good reason why every decent man, even the confirmed bachelor, feels so deeply drawn to the welfare of a child, and it boils down to the fact that his wisdom has taught him to love. When he knows who he truly is, he also knows that he is made to give of himself, especially to those who are just beginning their human journey.
The sheep and the wolf are working from instinct alone, and while a man adds to this his reason and will, they in no way diminish the aim of the instinct—indeed, they ought to magnify it. I am obviously free to judge and to choose as I wish, though let me not thereby become far more foolish than any sheep or far more savage than any wolf.
Epictetus always says it just like it is, and he doesn’t pull any punches. I deserve a swift reprimand if I go about denying compassion to helpless children, when only the compassion of my own parents made it possible for me to turn myself into such a thoughtless and heartless savage. Even if they had known of my pathetic fate, they would still have loved me and cared for me without condition.
—Reflection written in 3/2001
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