Epictetus, Discourses 1.22.5

What are we to do then? This is the search to be made by the true student of philosophy, who is in travail with truth. 

 

These are his thoughts: “I do not see what is good and what is evil. Am I not mad? I am.” 

 

But if I put “the good” in the region of things that my will controls, everyone will laugh at me. 

 

Some grey-haired old man will arrive, with many gold rings on his fingers: then he will shake his head and say, “Listen to me, my child: you must study philosophy, but you must keep a cool head too. All that talk is folly. You learn the syllogism from philosophers, but you know better than the philosophers what you ought to do.” 

 

Fellow, why do you rebuke me then, if I know it? What am I to say to this slave? If I am silent, he bursts with anger. 

 

One ought to say, “Pardon me as you would pardon lovers. I am not my own master. I am mad.” 

—from Epictetus, Discourses 1.22 

 

Every single person on the face of this Earth is called to be a student of philosophy, since every single person on the face of this Earth needs to know the good before he can love the good and do the good. Where there is no understanding, there can be no direction. 

 

This does not happen merely from skimming over a book, or by passing some exam; it is the total commitment of a lifetime, however long or short a life it may be. It does not come easily, and there will be much confusion and doubt. Do not despair, for that is a necessary part of the process. 

 

As Epictetus says, there are times when you will wonder if you are going crazy, especially when so many others are mocking you on account of your kooky ways. 

 

I find encouragement when I know that I don’t know, when I am painfully conscious of my ignorance. At the very least, it means I am open to improvement. Where a man thinks he is already perfect, he denies himself the opportunity to develop into something better. 

 

That pesky good is not so elusive when I strip away the diversions and attend to the core of who I am. The awareness cries out for content, and the longing calls for realization. 

 

Whatever the complexities of the situation, must any more be added? The recognition alone is sufficient, the appreciation in itself brings me peace. I work on my mind and on my will, and hence I am fulfilling the business of my nature. 

 

Now the guru-for-hire, complete with his fancy trimmings, shall scold you, because now you are no longer beholden to him, and he so desperately wishes to keep you as his toy. He assures you that the philosophy has its place in theory, but he reminds you how in practice you need to pay your hefty mortgage, flatter your superiors, and put on the best possible show. 

 

Without you doing that for him, he would have to face how he is nothing. Yet if you choose to let him go, you suddenly have the chance to become everything. Do yourself the favor, and do him the favor as well. 

 

If they tell you that “learning” is all about the skills for a professional career, you are being duped. Become acquainted with such things as means, but only for the sake of a greater end—learn to be human above all else. When your college president praises you for being the “hope of the future”, take his words in the exact opposite way he intended. 

 

No, I am not yet my own master, and I am fighting to get a grip. Still, at least I know I suffer from a madness, and I have a hope in the reform of my primary conceptions. 

—Reflection written in 3/2001