Seneca, Moral Letters 10.2

When persons are in mourning, or fearful about something, we are accustomed to watch them that we may prevent them from making a wrong use of their loneliness. 

 

No thoughtless person ought to be left alone; in such cases he only plans folly, and heaps up future dangers for himself or for others; he brings into play his base desires; the mind displays what fear or shame used to repress; it whets his boldness, stirs his passions, and goads his anger. 

 

And finally, the only benefit that solitude confers—the habit of trusting no man, and of fearing no witnesses—is lost to the fool; for he betrays himself.

 

I often find that my eagerness can lead to hastiness, and that my intentions will rush far ahead of my capacity to fulfill them. When I first read from the Stoics about the importance of self-reliance, I was relieved to learn how my life did not have to be determined by the thoughts and actions of others, but I jumped the gun by foolishly assuming that it would be enough for me to just go it alone. 

 

I was mightily confused about the difference between still living completely in the world, while finding strength from my own convictions, and frantically running away from the world, while wallowing in my own self-pity. Solitude is quite bearable, even peaceful, when I know who I am and what I am about, though it becomes a miserable loneliness when I lack a sense of inner purpose. 

 

I will always have the power to act with understanding and with love, whatever circumstances may surround me, and so I need not believe that being cheered or jeered must make or break my happiness. What I think and what I do, the sum of my own actions, is what completes me. 

 

It will not go so well for me, however, if I am somehow expecting the world to fix me, and I then only turn to isolation when I have been bitterly disappointed by the fact that the people around me will not always act as I prefer. What they think and they do, which is entirely for them to determine, becomes an excuse for my own failure of personal accountability. 

 

There is perfectly good reason that any caring and compassionate person will do his best to offer support and encouragement to someone who is overwhelmed by sadness or despair: he knows that solitude will only magnify the confusion that is within the soul of the sufferer. Being alone is not what is needed right now. 

 

You will also notice that any cold and calculating person will leave the sufferer to his own devices, because he only offers his company when he expects to receive something useful or gratifying in return. 

 

The man at peace with himself knows how to use his seclusion as a blessing, but the man at war with himself will see it as a curse. 

 

Similarly, the virtuous man gives of himself when company is needed, but the vicious man takes for himself when company is convenient. 

Written in 5/2012

IMAGE: Hans Thoma, Loneliness (1880)