Seneca, Moral Letters 7.5

But both courses are to be avoided; you should not copy the bad simply because they are many, nor should you hate the many because they are unlike you. 

 

Withdraw into yourself, as far as you can. Associate with those who will make a better man of you. Welcome those whom you yourself can improve. The process is mutual; for men learn while they teach.

 

There is no reason why pride in advertising your abilities should lure you into publicity, so that you should desire to recite or harangue before the general public. Of course I should be willing for you to do so if you had a stock-in-trade that suited such a mob; as it is, there is not a man of them who can understand you. 

 

One or two individuals will perhaps come in your way, but even these will have to be molded and trained by you so that they will understand you. 

 

You may say: "For what purpose did I learn all these things?" But you need not fear that you have wasted your efforts; it was for yourself that you learned them.

 

Another aspect of finding that balance in a peace of mind is avoiding surrender on the one hand, and resentment on the other. 

 

I might begin in the commonly accepted manner, by seeking to define myself by the approval of others, to win my fortune and fame, and yet I will meet with the deepest frustrations. I will have discovered that, in imitating everyone else, I have made myself a slave to everyone else. 

 

I might then grow angry with the world, claiming that it has not given me what I desire, and I now wallow in my sense of bitter disappointment. While before I clung too tightly, now I am running away, all because of my basic confusion about where the dignity of my life is to be found. 

 

I must not think of this in terms of either loving or hating the world, but rather in understanding what to love and how to love. First, I must learn to do right within myself, and only then can I discern how I should stand with others. I should seek to act according to my own nature, the only thing that can be said to be mine, while fully conscious that others may well choose to act contrary to their natures. 

 

There is to be discovered both confidence and acceptance, conviction joined to compassion. As I rely upon my own thoughts and deeds, this does not exclude reaching out to my fellows. We are all on the same journey, even if it isn’t always clear to us at the time, and all of the parts are made for the whole, for the sake of one another. 

 

Nevertheless, friends must be chosen prudently, such that carefully deciding who I can help, and who can help me, will encourage me to keep my circle small and humble. Remember, there is no requirement to impress anyone, no need to make waves, no demand to pursue quantity instead of quality. I am doing God’s work in my own back yard. 

 

So much of our daily effort is directed toward putting on an elaborate show for others, selling ourselves as we promote a certain image. Do we not realize we are being quite insincere, even while expecting everyone else to be completely honest? None of it is necessary; the only profession that matters, that of being human, requires no boasting or bragging. 

 

“But I haven’t managed anything worthwhile at all! I have failed, because I haven’t left my mark on the world!”

 

No, you will have succeeded in managing yourself, and that alone already leaves a far bigger mark on the world than you currently suspect. That was, after all, the only job ever given to you by Nature. 

Written in 4/2012