Musonius Rufus, Lectures 15.7

What good would one compare to the good will of a brother as a pledge of security? What better disposed sharer of common goods could one find than a good brother? Whose presence in misfortune would one desire more than such a brother's?

For my part I consider the man most enviable who lives amid a number of like-minded brothers, and I consider most beloved of the gods the man who has these blessings at home. Therefore, I believe that each one of us ought to try to leave brothers rather than money to our children so as to leave greater assurances of blessings.

Let me certainly seek what is profitable, but let me be very careful in understanding what will bring me true gain. If I attend to the right order of human goods, then I will consider the bond of friendship to be a far greater blessing than any financial security.

As always, though the noble sentiments can make for a good soundbite, this is not the way most people in the world will think or act. As always, the task is more demanding than the mere word. I should not let this discourage me. The profit will be in the soul, regardless of whether I have wealth or popularity.

Should I send my child to Harvard, or should I give him a brother or a sister? One will greatly assist him in becoming prosperous in the world, while the other will greatly assist him in becoming prosperous in love. Can I give him both? It’s possible, but I wouldn’t hold my breath; a man cannot really serve two masters.

I never had any siblings, by the forces of circumstance and not by my parent’s free choice, and so I received all the attention, the travel, and the education that would otherwise have been split among many. I always greatly appreciated those many gifts, but as the years have passed, I suspect I would have traded all of them for just one companion in blood.

Discerning that absence within myself, I was always rather shocked to see those who treated their brothers and sisters like inconveniences or annoyances. Did they not see the opportunities they were wasting by being selfish and petty? There is no price too high to pay for the benefit of such companionship.

Will there be fussing and fighting, disputes and disagreements? Of course there will, just as it is unavoidable in all human relations. Yet the strength comes from the chance to make such things right, and thereby to increase the character of one and all. A large family won’t automatically make anyone a good man, though it will offer far greater means to choose to become a better man.

To love my parents is to show reverence, and to love my own children is to give guidance, but to love a brother or a sister is a love between equals, on the horizontal and not just the vertical scale, and that can become a perfect model of fellowship, of the solidarity I am called to share with all the world.

Well, I can’t afford to have children! There’s no way I could give them a good life!”

Is it possible you wouldn’t need to buy anything at all? 

Written in 2/2000