Musonius Rufus, Lectures 15.5

Very true, you say, but I am a poor man and quite without means, and if I have many children, from what source should I find food for them all?

But pray, whence do the little birds, which are much poorer than you, feed their young, the swallows and nightingales and larks and blackbirds? Homer speaks of them in these words:

"Even as a bird carries to her unfledged young whatever morsels she happens to come upon, though she fares badly herself—"

Do these creatures surpass man in intelligence? You certainly would not say that. In strength and endurance, then? No, still less in that respect. Well, then, do they put away food and store it up? Not at all, and yet they rear their young and find sustenance for all that are born to them. The plea of poverty, therefore, is unjustified.

Not so many of my peers ever got married, and those who did waited quite some time to do so. Even then, many of those marriages didn’t last for five years. Those who had children waited even longer, often well into middle age. In this regard, we were very different than our parents.

Such hesitancy is not necessarily a bad thing at all; what matters here is not so much the what, but the why. Was there a delay in order to be certain about something, or was there a delay in order to avoid something? We all know the difference, even if we won’t admit it.

And yet, almost without exception, the explanation I was given for marrying at thirty-five, or having children a forty-five, was twofold:

“I need to work on my career first, to make something of myself, to become somebody, before I settle down. And I need to be secure in my wealth before I ever have kids.”

Most people I know will nod their heads rather approvingly, and I will look like quite the lunatic for even biting my tongue. What is it that troubles me? It’s about the priorities inherent in those sorts of statements.

Do I need to pursue honor before I can pursue perfect friendship?

Do I need to be rich before I am able to give of myself?

Yes, I know, there will be all sorts of hemming and hawing. “Oh, be realistic! You can’t commit to somebody if you’re not already a somebody; you can’t have children if you don’t have the means to raise them.”

Quite right: I should be a somebody, and I should have the means. Where we differ is what any of that actually entails.

Define for me what is required to be human, to be a somebody, and then define for me what is required to be rich, to have the means. Once we have established that, we have something of worth to discuss.

Here is where the genuine Stoic, and any other person who seeks Nature, will drastically part ways with all the fads and the gimmicks.

Laugh all you like, but I am convinced that maturity is interchangeable with character. Mock if you must, but I believe that wisdom and compassion are the only currencies that matter.

“But I need to pay for all these things!”

Sorry, no things need to be paid for; virtue must be sought after, and that requires nothing more than an open mind and a caring heart. I will insist that 99% of the stuff we find necessary is quite extraneous.

Going to a fancy school? Wearing a business suit? Driving a new car? Having a pension plan? Perhaps very preferable, but not at all necessary for a good life.

Paying attention? Showing compassion? Working to understand? Loving without condition? That is necessary.

“But what will my poor children eat? What will they wear? Where will they live?”

Nature gives me far more than I think I have. Eating is not about buying the trendy products at Whole Foods, but about the sustenance of the flesh. Clothing must not come from Saks Fifth Avenue, but must protect the body. Shelter is not a McMansion, but just a place away from the wind and the cold.

“But we might die!”

Well yes, of course, we will all die. What was the state of our souls while we still lived?

Some would like to build empires, while others are quite content with gleaning.

“I can’t possibly have a child, because I’m not rich enough!”

What is it I am not rich enough in? That will resolve any of my problems.

Therefore, I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow, nor reap, nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?

And which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin; yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 

But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O men of little faith?

Therefore, do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek all these things; and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well. 

Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day’s own trouble be sufficient for the day. 

—Matthew, 6:25-34

Written in 2/2000

IMAGE: Jean-Francois Millet, Gleaners (1857)